DECEMBER 2018 • COUNTRY LIFE IN BC


49 A present for Deborah sparks inquisition


When we left off last time, rehersals for the spring musical were in full swing as Kenneth and Deborah’s departure for the Caribbean drew closer. Rural Redemption, part 105, continues.


Woodshed Chronicles by BOB COLLINS


Preparation for the spring musical ended with Thursday evening’s full-dress rehearsal. Val Zimmer assembled them all – cast and crew – and pronounced them ready. More than ready, in fact. She proclaimed the entire production to be simply splendid. She could see how tired they all were and said that they should all take Friday off and get a good night’s sleep so they’d be ready for opening night on Saturday.


Deborah saw the kids off to school in the morning and was working on her third cup of coffee when Kenneth appeared just before 10. He wasn’t wearing his ankle brace. “Kids gone?” he asked. Deborah nodded. “They go before eight.” “This is their last day before spring break, right?” “Yeah,” said Deborah, still nodding and wondering how inane the conversation was likely to get. “Do you want some breakfast?” “Just some toast and


coffee.” Deborah poured him a cup


of coffee and pushed the plunger on the toaster. “How’s your ankle feeling?”


“Still hurts but the doctor said I should take the cast off at night.”


Kenneth perched on a stool as Deborah slid his toast and coffee across the counter. “You all ready for the Bahamas?” asked Kenneth. “Almost. I’m going to pack all my things this morning.” “Save a little space


while you’re at it,” said Kenneth. “I have a


surprise for you.” “What?” “A surprise, Deborah. Something unexpected. Something special. You’ll have it soon.”


Deborah had decided to set her misgivings aside and try to make the best of the holiday. Something unexpected from Kenneth wouldn’t necessarily be an auspicious beginning. Kenneth walked into the general store a half hour later. The brace was back on his ankle. Junkyard Frank peered over the top of his reading glasses from one of the café tables in the corner. “By God, Lois, here’s Mr. Henderson, all bright and early,” said Frank. “Care to join me for cup of coffee, Mr. Henderson?” “No, thank you, Mr.,” Kenneth hesitated. “What is your last name anyway?” “Nope, it’s not Anyway.


You’re not even close. Frank’s good enough.” “Well, Frank, I don’t have


time for coffee, or this delightful chit-chat. I’ll just collect my parcel and be on my way.” Lois slid behind the postal


wicket and Kenneth turned toward her.


“How’s that busted leg of


yours doin’?” asked Frank. “I see you’re off the crutches, eh?” “Fine, thank you.” “So, I heard your barn fell


down on ya. Did you manage to drag your new tractor out?” “Look, I’m busy here, if you


don’t mind.” “Hell no, I don’t mind. I like to see a man who’s busy. Idle hands are the devil’s tool, you know.”


Kenneth signed for his


package and Lois slid it across the counter to him. “Ah. Got yourself a parcel, I


see,” said Frank. “Parts for your tractor?” “No, it’s not parts for the


tractor. None of your business is what it is!” “Maybe it’s used magazines, then. One time, years ago, I bought a bunch of used magazines from a classified in the Western Producer. I recall they came in a parcel just about the size of the one you got there. Lois probably doesn’t remember that,” said Frank. Lois grinned and shook her


head. Kenneth turned toward


Frank. “What in hell’s name are


you talking about?” he demanded. Frank gave Henderson a


perplexed look. “The Western Producer. I’m


talkin’ about the ads in the Western Producer. Was a time you could find mostly anything in them ads. Hell, I recall the time Henry Myers’ hired man ordered himself a wife from the Object Matrimony ads. He done it while Henry and his missus was away on a holiday. It didn’t work out in the end,


though, cause Henry’s missus found the hired man’s wife nappin’ in her bed when she got back an’ the hired man’s wife changed her mind about the matrimony as soon as she figured out that the object of it was just the hired man who lived in a shack with a smelly coon dog by the end of the silo. I think her name was Beatrice. Do you recall her name, Lois?” Lois smiled and shook her


head. “IT” S A PRESENT FOR MY


WIFE!” hollered Kenneth. “For the love of gawd, it’s just something for my wife.” “Oh,” said Frank. “Is it her birthday then?


Come to think of it, that’s why I bought those magazines. They were a birthday present for my wife. She was right tickled with ‘em, too. You’d swear some of them might never have been read right through before.” “No, it’s not her birthday. I just wanted to buy her something.” “Can’t blame you for that.


Your wife is a nice person.” “Thank you,” said Kenneth, turning toward the door. “Pretty good lookin,’ too.”


said Frank.


Kenneth stopped and spun in his tracks. “I beg your pardon?” “I was just sayin’ that your


wife is a fine-looking woman.” “Yes, my wife is very


attractive, but that’s no concern of yours. The last thing I expect to hear when I come in here is you or anyone else yammering on about her


looks.” “Well, then, I expect you’re


in for considerable disappointment then,” said Frank. “What do you mean by


that?” asked Kenneth sharply. “You goin’ to the spring musical tomorrow?” asked Frank. “What’s that hayseed opera got to do with anything?” Frank leaned back and


looked at Henderson with squinted eyes. “Well, the way I hear it,


Daisy Mae, who looks a lot like your…attractive…wife, is going to give a performance that’s so hot they’re plannin’ on sellin’ lemonade at half- time.” “Who says so? asked Kenneth. Frank shrugged. “Who doesn’t say so would be a better question. I don’t suppose Lois could remember the name of anyone except you who’s been here today who hasn’t said so.” Lois smiled and shook her


head. vvv


Deborah was upstairs when Kenneth returned home. He closed himself in his office and poured a tumbler full of Glenfiddich. He sat down and unwrapped his package. He lifted the lid on the box and peeked inside. He had nearly $400 invested, if you counted the expedited shipping. She damned well better appreciate it, he thought.


To be continued...


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