‘Twas the night before Christmas… Domestic abuse is not a “women’s issue.”


mas carols and dream of family get-togethers, chestnuts roasting in an open fire, shortbread cookies and all the wonderful sights and smells of Christmas. But do we set ourselves up for failure? Do we have unreasonable expectations of providing an idyllic experience over the holidays?


D


It seems many of the hol- idays have become a “pro- duction” over the years. Maybe it’s just because our lives are busier with other demands than they used to be. Have you noticed, though, that decorating seems to be taking on an almost


theatrical


Myrna Driedger Broadway Journal


caliber,


both inside and outside the home? Along with the expecta- tions about providing the perfect holiday experience for our families comes the stress and an anxiety to fulfill these expectations.


Maybe we need to spend less time with Christmas prep- arations and instead experience the simplicity of just spending time with our friends and family. Most of us do have images, whether elaborate or sim-


ple, of good times spent enjoying food and drink with our families and friends. But for some people, the festive season is fearsome. Many victims in abusive relationships know that with finances being stretched, or with alcohol free-flowing, Christmas is likely to be a volatile time. It’s long been held that domestic violence increases over the holiday season, although recently some statistics have be- gun to debunk that theory. Information on this subject seems to be contradictory. While police records may show an increase in calls


over the Christmas holidays, some national organiza- tions have recorded a decrease. An increase occurs on or after New Year’s Day. Maybe victims don’t want to spoil the illusion of a happy family over the holiday season. Maybe it’s because, to keep the peace. the victim goes out of her way to avoid disagreements. We know, though, the actions to avoid the outbreak of violence must be very stressful themselves.


There is a cycle of abuse with domestic violence. Some-


times each phase of the cycle can take months. There’ll be a buildup of tension, then the perpetrator will make a move, followed by an attempt to rationalize, or justify the behaviour and pretend everything is normal. Stress is what starts the cycle, the cause perhaps being a job, money or bills to pay. In the face of this, the abuser feels powerless, choosing to go after the spouse either with name calling or demeaning behaviour. As the tension builds, the victim tries to calm the abuser and anticipate every thing in the relationship that makes it vulnerable, to try to keep things on an even keel. But this is when the tension builds up even more and leads to severe verbal abuse, or violent physical or sexual assaults. We have many organizations dedicated to helping victims of domestic abuse –- many shelters and many support groups. One of these groups is RESOLVE (Research and Education for Solutions to Violence and Abuse). I was pleased recently to bring greetings at an event related to domestic violence prevention put on by RESOLVE. Dr. Jane Ursel, currently RESOLVE’S act- ing director ,has been involved in research and other ac- tivities seeking ways to reduce the risks of this violence. RESOLVE Alberta has been active with their “I Be-


lieve You” campaign which ensures that when people step forward to report they have been victims of do- mestic violence, they will be believed. The University


Memories of Christmas I


remember going to the old Tivoli Theatre across from Westminster Church to a Saturday matinee as a


young boy. Every Saturday there was a double bill of two mov- ies with cartoons, news- reels, and several serials that we all loved to cheer or jeer at.


One Saturday, as was our usual trek with our allowance burning a hole in our pockets, my brother Chrys and I were off to our Satur- day movie. Much to my surprise the movie was called “O. Henry’s Full House” and what stayed with me was a charm- ing vignette called “The


of Manitoba recently hosted RESOLVE Research Day 2017. The conference theme was “Trauma Informed Treatment: Intervention and Prevention”. One mistake I believe we have made over the years, despite our good intentions, is that we have made this a women’s issue. This has let men off the hook. I believe that it is time to change the channel. I am very pleased with the initiative the Winnipeg Blue Bombers have taken. They want to “break the silence” on violence against women. Featuring players such as Matt Nichols, Jamaal Westerman, Jake Thomas, Matt Buc- knor, Ian Wild and coach Buck Pierce, they have been running ads on TV talking about some of the unaccept- able behaviours that are considered abusive. They hope that people will learn how to break the silence on these matters. Watch the Winnipeg Blue Bombers videos on the Manitoba government website at Manitoba.ca/stop- theviolence


I hope that we see more male groups and more men stepping up to make this a “men’s” issue. If we truly want to stop the cycle of abuse, we need more men taking this on. If you’re looking for a New Year’s resolution, I can’t imagine a better one.


Best wishes to all for a holiday season that is not neces-


sarily “perfect” in every way, but is filled with moments and memories that will last a lifetime. Hon. Myrna Driedger is MLA for Charleswood and Speaker of the legislative assembly.


eck the Halls….Joy to the World…Silent


Night… As we rush around doing our shopping and getting ready for Christmas, we hear Christ-


Jim Pappas


Gift of the Magi” with Jeanne Crain and Farley Granger. As I have always been a very sentimental person, I loved the story and the fact that they both gave up some- thing that was precious to themselves to get a gift for one another. For me Christmas has never been what


gifts were given to me but what delight I can bring to others. Rummaging through boxes of old photographs is something that I am do- ing regularly. I have been taking photos out that mean nothing to our children and started mailing them to friends all over the world. Hidden in amongst my mother’s stash of photos is a series that brought a great smile to my face. My mother, Isabel, was a prodigious knitter all her life and there we are in a colour Christmas photo wearing matching tur-


6 www.lifestyles55.net


quoise sweaters with a white deer and white snowflakes on the front. She was far ahead of her time, making us Christ- mas sweaters. In the photo we are about six and seven, respectively, filled with anticipation for the wonder of Christmas. We lived in an apart- ment on Westminster just around the corner from my grandparents who lived on Lenore Street. Christ- mas morning, after we had opened our stockings and presents at home with our parents, we were filled with delight in going to the big house on Lenore and see- ing all my mother’s family. Chrys and I were the only grandchildren for many


years and the only children amongst a sea of adults. It was the most exciting day of the year for us with our aunts and uncles and grandparents together celebrating the holiday. My grandfather believed in hard work in the family restaurant, so Christmas was the only day of the year that it was totally closed. There was always a gigantic real tree in the living room filled with lights and all kinds of lovely decorations. Bowls of nuts with a nut cracker were set out on the coffee table just waiting for us to get the pecans and the walnuts. Sweet smells came from kitchen with the turkey al- ready in the oven and our greatest treat was a dish that my grandmother brought from the old country. She and my grand- father were Greeks who emigrated from Asia Minor so there was a definite Turk-


ish influence in her cooking. This dish was made with rice and cinnamon and the juice of the turkey and we couldn’t get enough of it. My mother learned to make it very well also and passed the rec- ipe to Barbra. Our children love it even to this day. But before we got to the dinner table


there was a mound of presents under that tree that almost filled the living room floor and we could hardly wait to get into them. Chrys and I loved all the attention while we were the only children at the party. We were showered with books and games and all kinds of delights from the adults. When it was time to sit down to din-


ner, the dining room table was extended as far as it could go and everyone was seated according to whether they were serving or just eating. The joy of sitting at this big table surrounded by all the people that we loved was almost over- whelming. The table would be groaning with food and filled with my grandmoth- er’s best dinner plates. Dinner would be a fun-filled


affair


with everyone talking at once and we children just drinking in all adult conver- sation which we loved. We felt so grown up and adult to be just sitting there with them as they bantered back and forth. Dinner would stretch on for several hours as they loved the opportunity to relax with their siblings. It is a magical memory to think back at the times we were all together on Lenore Street. Some of my aunts and uncles were very young, between 17 and 29 at that time. They were filled with vibrancy and cheek and always full of fun.


The one pervading theme of the holi-


days was very similar to the story by O. Henry. All of our family took great de- light in finding the thing that brought joy to their sisters and brothers. It need not be something big but something that they had expressed a desire for. Money was not as plentiful at that time in the late 1940s but imagination and thought were the operating principles. To find that special little something was more important than the size of the gift. And the presentation was as important as any- thing.


Over the years we have tried to in- still in our children the principle that thought out-weighs expense every time. Christmas and giving are synonymous but it pays to listen to what your partner has been saying all year and to find that sweet delight for them. It may be just do- ing something around the house and not necessarily a thing that you can wrap. To me there is no greater delight than looking back on old memories of Christ- mas and seeing all those wonderful faces that are no longer here and imagining them sharing the joy of the holidays. I personally love the holidays and my


greatest pleasure will always be to find that thing that makes Barbra and my children smile. With our grandson at age four this year we anticipate an even greater sense of the holidays. We hope that to be surrounded by those that he loves will make Christmas a favorite of his as well. There is very little that we need but the joy in his face will be suf- ficient to give us a wonderful memory of Christmas in years to come. Jim Pappas is on the CJNU board.


December 2017


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