Classified
Court cases – there’s humor there, too By Hugh Burrell
Being in many courthouses, and having been a Detroit police
officer for 30 years, I have seen many high profile cases. I have heard judges give out life sentences to defendants who were very young.
It still bothers me, especially if it is someone I know or know their family.
However, all is not always doom and gloom. In many instances, there is a lot of humor in the courtroom. I would like to share some real statements made in court.
JUDGE: “Don’t I know you?” Defendant: “Uh, yes.” Judge: “All right, tell me how I know you.” Defendant: “Judge, do I have to tell you?” Judge: “Of course, you might be obstructing justice not to tell me.” Defendant: “Okay, I was your bookie.” DEFENDANT: “Did you get a good at me when I allegedly stole your purse?” Victim: “Yes, I saw you clearly. You are the one who stole my purse.” Defendant: “I should have shot you when I had the chance.” JUDGE: “Te charge here is theft of frozen chickens and are you the defendant?” Defendant: “No sir, I’m the guy who stole the chickens.” LAWYER: “How do you feel about defense attorneys?” Juror: “I think they should all be drowned at birth.” Lawyer: “Well then, you are obviously biased for the prosecution.”
Juror: “Tat’s not true, I think pros- ecutors should be drowned at birth too. Check this one out:
DEFENDANT: “I want you to ap- point me another lawyer.” Judge: “And why is that?”
Defendant: “Because the public de- fender is not interested in my case.” Judge to Public Defender: “Do you
have a comment?” Public Defender: “ I’m sorry, your
honor, I wasn’t listening.” I have had the pleasure of being around
judges most of my adult life and many have become lifelong friends. One of my favorites is the late, great Judge Geraldine Ford. As nice as this lady was, she was no nonsense in her courtroom. It has been re- ported that this was one of her cases.
JUDGE FORD: “Do you have any- thing to say before I sentence you?
Defendant: “Your honor, I really don’t
care what you do.” Judge Ford: “I sentence you to 40
years in prison!” Defendant: “But your honor, I’m 50
years old and I can’t do that much time.” Judge Ford: “Well, do as much as you
can.” Tis month marks my sixth year of be-
ing free of prostate cancer. I could not have done it without my great doctors and Te Karmanous Cancer Center.
So, gentleman and ladies, please get those cancer check-ups.
Also, I am still performing my shows
for churches, private organizations and fundraisers.
In closing, I would like to thank all of
you readers from around the country who are former Detroiters who enjoy reading “Te Memory Train.”
And also, thanks to Cornelius Fortune
for his patience and keeping “Te Memory Train” running.
I missed a few weeks and I would like
to thank all of the readers who were con- cerned. I have a busy life needed a break.
Until next
time, I’ll plant U now and dig U later. Peace and chicken grease.
Hugh Burrell
can be contacted at (313) 872-3437 or Hughburrell@
aol.com.
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ANNOUNCEMENT(S) NOTICE OF HEARINGS
REGARDING MATTERS TO COME
before the City Council of Detroit. Advertise- ments for bids and contracts for purchases by the City of Detroit appear daily in the Detroit Legal News. Copies are available at the City County Bldg. and at 2001 W. Lafayette, Detroit.
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ANNOUNCEMENT(S) TWO FACULTY POSITIONS
THEORETICAL PARTICLE PHYSICS AND THEORETICAL NUCLEAR PHYSICS
DEPARTMENT OF PHYSICS AND ASTRONOMY WAYNE STATE UNIVERSITY
The Department of Physics and Astronomy at Wayne State Uni- versity seeks applications for two tenure-track assistant professor positions: one in theoretical high-energy particle physics and one in theoretical high-energy nuclear physics. The appoint- ments start August 2011, and are subject to final approval by the administration.
Candidates for the particle theory position should have a high level of achievement in particle physics phenomenology. Candidates for the nuclear theory position should have a strong background in QCD matter and relativistic heavy ion physics. We are seek- ing candidates who will play leadership roles in the LHC era and beyond. Successful candidates will maintain active, externally funded research programs and be committed to teaching at both undergraduate and graduate levels. A Ph.D. degree or equivalent is required and postdoctoral experience is considered important. The positions include competitive start-up packages.
THIS AD SPACE COULD BE
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The Department (
http://www.clas.wayne.edu/physics/) pres- ently consists of almost 30 faculty members with active research programs in astrophysics (SDSS and LSST), high-energy particle physics (CDF, CMS, Belle and theory), relativistic heavy ion phys- ics (STAR, ALICE and theory), condensed matter and materials physics, biophysics, and atomic physics.
Applicants should submit a cover letter, curriculum vitae, and state- ments of research and teaching interests assembled, (preferred) as a single-file PDF format attachment, for particle theory to hep-
theory-search@physics.wayne.edu; or for nuclear theory to
nucl-theory-
search@physics.wayne.edu; or by regular mail to:
Alexey Petrov, Chair, Theoretical Particle Physics Search Committee or
Sean Gavin, Chair, Theoretical Nuclear Physics Search Committee
Department of Physics and Astronomy, Wayne State University Detroit, MI 48201
Informal inquiries are welcome and should be sent to Prof. Alexey A. Petrov (particle) at
apetrov@wayne.edu or Prof. Sean Gavin (nuclear) at
sean@physics.wayne.edu. Review of applications will begin December 15th, 2010.
Wayne State University is an equal opportunity/affirmative action employer. Women and minority candidates are encour- aged to apply.
Administration
Data Collection and Evaluation
Financial Assistance
Housing Relocation and Stabilization
Total
Current Amount 761,747.00
304,700.00 11,771,258.00 2,397,242.00 $15,234,947.00
Proposed Amount 696,417.00
643,781.66 9,897,374.42
3,997,373.92 $15,234,947.00
NOTE: Funds being reprogrammed were allocated in the 2008 HUD Consolidated Plan amendment.
Persons or organizations wishing to comment on this proposed change may transmit such comments in writing, in person, email or by telephone to the Planning & Development Department at the address below:
City of Detroit
Planning and Development Department Warren T. Duncan
Grants Management Section 1200 Cadillac Tower Building Detroit, MI 48226
Telephone: (313) 224-0315 Email:
hprp@detroitmi.gov
NOTICE OF NON-DISCRIMINATION: The City of Detroit does not dis- criminate on the basis of race, color, creed, national origin, age, handi- cap, sex or sexual orientation. Complaints may be filed with the Detroit Human Rights Department, 1230 Coleman A. Young Municipal Center, Detroit, MI 48226.
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Seeking FINANCIAL AID ADVISER
at Oakland University Financial Aid Department
CITY OF DETROIT DAVE BING, MAYOR
NOTICE OF PROPOSED CHANGE IN THE HUD CONSOLIDATED PLAN
Notice is hereby given that the City of Detroit proposes to amend its HUD Consolidated Plan. The City of Detroit was awarded $15,234,947.00 for the Homelessness Prevention & Rapid Re-Housing Program (HPRP). The reprogram allocation is necessary to best meet the needs of Detroit citizens. The amendment to the HUD Consolidated Plan as follows:
Minimum Qualifications: Bachelor’s Degree or an equivalent combination of education and experience. One year experience in higher education financial aid advising and process- ing. Working knowledge of current financial aid programs and financial services operations. Experience and knowledge in student account and billing methods. Knowledge of stu- dent employment practices. Excel- lent technical database skills. Ability to manage multiple tasks and work well under pressure. Meet eligibility criteria to obtain access to federal websites needed to perform job func- tions. Excellent communication skills. Refer to online posting for additional requirements.
Salary is up to the mid $30’s annu- ally.
Apply on line for this position to:
https://jobs.oakland.edu.
Seeking COORDINATOR EDUCATIONAL RESOURCE LAB
at Oakland University
Educational Resource Lab Department
Minimum Qualifications: Master’s Degree in Library & Information Sci- ence or an equivalent combination of education and experience with an emphasis on the K-16 setting. Knowl- edge of collection development which includes establishing criteria for se- lecting & deselecting materials and resources, familiarity with print and online reference resources, catalog- ing/Marc Records, circulation proce- dures using an electronic catalog col- lecting and interpreting use statistics, writing reports based on those statis- tics, and establishing procedures for each of the areas. Excellent organi- zational, analytical, oral and written communication skills. Refer to online posting for additional requirements.
Salary is up to $50,000.00 annually.
Must apply on line for this position to:
https://jobs.oakland.edu.
CITY OF DETROIT DAVE BING, MAYOR
NOTICE OF PROPOSED CHANGE IN THE HUD CONSOLIDATED PLAN
Notice is hereby given that the City of Detroit proposes to amend its HUD Consolidated Plan. The City of Detroit was awarded $47,137,690.00 for the Neighborhood Stabilization Program (NSP). The reprogram alloca- tion is necessary to best meet the needs of Detroit citizens. The amend- ment
to the HUD Consolidated Plan is as follows: Original Amount
Acquisition
Administration Demolition Disposition
New Construction Public Improvement Rehabilitation Total
4,000,000.00 4,713,769.00 14,000,000.00 4,200,000.00 4,250,000.00 2,000,000.00 13,973,921.00 $47,137,690.00
Proposed Amount 2,661,157.00 4,713,769.00 16,000,000.00 4,200,000.00 4,578,000.00 0.00
14,984,764.00 $47,137,690.00
NOTE: Funds being reprogrammed were allocated in the 2008 HUD Consolidated Plan amendment.
Persons or organizations wishing to comment on this proposed change may transmit such comments in writing, in person, email or by telephone to the Planning & Development Department at the address below:
City of Detroit
Planning and Development Department Warren T. Duncan
Grants Management Section 1200 Cadillac Tower Building Detroit, MI 48226
Telephone: (313) 224-0315 Email:
wduncan@detroitmi.gov
NOTICE OF NON-DISCRIMINATION: The City of Detroit does not dis- criminate on the basis of race, color, creed, national origin, age, handi- cap, sex or sexual orientation. Complaints may be filed with the Detroit Human Rights Department, 1230 Coleman A. Young Municipal Center, Detroit, MI 48226.
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Seeking NETWORK & TELECOM SYSTEM ENGINEER at Oakland University
Network Communications Department
This position will provide analysis, support and maintenance of the Uni- versity data network and telecom- munications systems. Requires high level diagnostics and technical prob- lem resolution skills. Responsible for technical documentation, specifica- tion writing, installation and configura- tion of new and existing network and telecom systems or special technol- ogy projects where appropriate. This position requires on-call time as well as occasional non-standard, holiday and weekend hours to assist with net- work upgrades, cutovers or projects.
Minimum qualifications require a Bachelor’s degree in Telecommunica- tions and 3 years experience in tele- communications systems and data networking environment. This is a full-time, administrative professional position. Salary up to the low $50s annually. First consideration will be given to those who apply by Novem- ber 5, 2010.
Must apply online to: https://jobs.
oakland.edu.
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