ask yourself Caregiver Conversation Starters Five guilt-free questions to make sure you are feeling your best BY LISA DAVIS
As a caregiver to someone who lives with pain, neglecting your own needs seems to be part of the job. You might feel guilty about being tired. You might be anxious about the fi nancial burden of taking care of someone. You might even sense you are being treated unfairly but are afraid to say anything. Worse yet, physical problems like heart disease, high blood pressure, depression, sleep problems and fatigue have been linked to caregiving. “Everything revolves around the patient and caregivers get caught up in ‘just doing what has to be done’ for themsleves,” says Kimberly Stump- Sutliff, MSN, RN, AOCNS, Associate Medical Editor for the American Cancer Society. To make sure you are doing well emotionally, mentally, physically and socially, check in with yourself with these fi ve guilt-free conversation starters:
THINK ABOUT
Being a caregiver can be challenging and oftentimes is a role that is unexpected. “It doesn’t come with a ‘how to’ manual,” says Kris
Robinson, PhD, FNPbc, RN, an American Pain Foundation Action Network Leader. “It is often a full-time job with unending responsibility.” Even if being a caregiver is rewarding, the stress of taking care of someone, coupled with your own obligations can be daunting. (Tip: Keep a list of the rewarding aspects of caregiving and review it when feelings of being overwhelmed arise.)
Ask yourself: How do I feel about being a caregiver? Can I do it?
THINK ABOUT
The fi nancial costs of being a caregiver. Being a
caregiver, either part-time or full- time, can impact your fi nances. It could require you to reduce your work hours or quit your job altogether. You might even have to help cover the costs of medical care if the person you’re caring for doesn’t have enough income.
Ask yourself: Can I afford to be a caregiver (including money, time and energy)?
THINK ABOUT
THINK ABOUT
The kind of support you need, including help from loved ones. “The support
of family and friends is key to both the person [in pain] and the caregiver,” says Stump-Sutliff. “Caregivers often feel tired, isolated, depressed or anxious, and are less likely to ask for help for things such as household chores and errands.”
Ask yourself: What kind of help do I need?
How you are spending your time when you are
not caregiving. It is important to do things that make you happy and keep you connected to your friends and family. Avoid activities that will drain your energy or take away from your personal relationships, which can be neglected when you are focusing on the patient. Consider taking a daily walk with your spouse or having lunch with friends.
Ask yourself: Am I spending too much time watching TV, playing computer games, etc. when I should be restoring my personal relationships?
According to the American Pain
Foundation, the most common challenges facing caregivers are:
22 PAIN RESOURCE FALL 2012
THINK ABOUT
You. Devotion to the patient seems like what everyone
(the medical team, friends, family and even society) expects yet if you don’t keep yourself healthy you risk not being able to properly care for the patient. “In order to be at their best for meeting the challenges of caregiving, it is necessary, in fact, it is mandatory that caregivers take care of themselves,” says Robinson.
Ask yourself: What have I done for me today? How can I fi nd little moments of reprieve to energize myself?
1. Feeling guilty about taking time for themselves. 2. Being hesitant to ask for help and not wanting to bother anyone. 3. Accepting the fact that they will not be able to “fi x the pain” forever. 4. Realizing chronic pain is an experience that fl uctuates from day to day. 5. Understanding that the patient is an independent person who can and will make their own decisions that you may not always agree with.