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By Diana Dworin


Pass the faith


period they slowly—and oftentimes silently—fade out of the faith community’s life. Many times church leaders aren’t paying attention to these cues, which can intensify the feeling of disconnection for members headed for the door.


Looking for the door?


Evaluate family connections before saying goodbye to your congregation


T


he kids are grumpy—again—about going to wor- ship. You’re not excited about the adult education classes on the church schedule, and you’re feeling less of a connection with other members. Your family starts skipping services here and there and, before long, you find yourselves eyeing the new church across town. Is it time to find the door and say “goodbye” to your home congregation? You’re not alone if you and your family are wonder- ing whether there are greener pastures at a different church, said Peter L. Steinke, pastor, author and con- gregational consultant who helps revitalize troubled congregations. At different points, most people entertain thoughts about leaving their home congregations, he said. Disenchantment can spur from a variety of causes: a sense of spiritual stagnation, disconnectedness with the worship style or preaching, or a ho-hum youth program. “I’ve seen people leave good congregations because they feel like they’re not getting what they’re looking for from their church,” he said. “In this day and age with our consumer market, people do leave without feeling a sense of obligation to stay.” For the most part, people leave their church with- out saying goodbye or telling a pastor their reasons for departure, Steinke said. Instead, over a six- to 24-month


Before moving on from your home church, it’s worth- while for families to: • Consider the gifts you take. When you say goodbye to a church, you take with you the intangible ways your presence contributes to the community of faith. Your perspectives, ideas and talents add to the vibrancy and diversity of the church. Although you might be focused on the ways your church serves you, Steinke suggests it’s a good exercise to consider your role in serving the church. You might just be the catalyst your congregation needs to inject new energy into the community. • Talk it through. If you’re thinking about moving on, take time to speak with a church leader. Be honest and give examples of how your connection with church has faded. By giving congregational leadership an opportu- nity to listen to the issues that are swaying your decision, you can help begin a conversation that could set into motion some positive changes within your parish. 


Tried & true


The Box Girls Family Dinner Box of Questions


Enjoying a meal together is one of the best ways to maintain your family connection—but encouraging everyone to share their thoughts beyond the usual “how-was-your-day?” updates can be a challenge. The Box Girls Family Dinner Box of Questions (Melissa & Doug) is a creative way to spur lively dinner table conversation. Questions range from “What has a family member said or done for you this week that was very thoughtful?” to “Do you remember your favorite toy as a toddler?” Also available are expansion packs of Faith Edi-


tion cards that delve into deeper questions, such as “Is it easier for you to talk to God in a church or outside? Why?”


Lutheran mom


Dworin, 42, is a mother of three and a former parenting magazine editor. Contact her at diana@ passthefaith.org.


October 2012 41


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