The all-time favorite photo of the “beach kids” was taken with an instamatic camera. Top: Rebekah Trex- ler; below her, Benjamin Trexler and Todd Webb; next row, Stobo Van Horne, Lyn Addy and Jonathan Trexler; Bottom row, Karen Addy, Van Van Horne, Chris Webb and Katherine Van Horne. Jonathan Trexler and Kath- erine Van Horne married one another.
“
Beach family W
ould one of the moms please bring me a towel?” This question—coming from a wet, sandy child standing outside a screen door—is a mem-
ory that evokes laughter from four pastors and spouses whose families have vacationed together every summer for more than 35 years. I know, because I’m one of them. Bill Trexler, Buz Van Horne, David Webb and James
Addy graduated from Lutheran Theological Southern Seminary, Columbia, S.C., in 1970. A few years later— with spouses Karla, Bobo, Karen and Celie and our young families—we spent a week together in a large beach house on the South Carolina coast, never realizing we had just begun a tradition that would provide decades of laughter and support. During the early years, the beach house bulged with
eight adults and 10 children. We adults shared parenting duties, and the children felt free to call on any of us for help or advice. If a couple wanted to go out alone, there were plenty of baby-sitters and playmates. Now, 42 years after ordination, our “beach family” is back to four couples. Within this group are eight distinct personalities, diverse interests and talents—and differing views on church-related topics. We’re open to discuss- ing issues but mindful of each other’s feelings when we disagree. To be clear, our beach family doesn’t spend the week in deep theological discussions and Bible study. Nor do we spend every minute together. We play, laugh, eat and relax together, but respect each other’s need for time apart.
Now that our children are all out of the nest, we vaca-
Once-a-year vacation provides clergy couples an oasis of care By Celie Metz Addy
tion in September, when the prices are lower, the air is a little cooler, and the restaurants aren’t as crowded. We continue to enjoy this once-a-year oasis, and are keenly aware of the lifeline it has provided us when it was most needed. We have been a support system for each other through many stages of life. We’ve shared the experiences of raising children from diapers to diplomas; the challenges of parish life; the pain of loss when family members have become ill or died; and the joy of seeing our chil- dren become adults, marry and have their own families. Together, we have 19 grandchildren to brag about. A parish pastor’s family experiences countless hellos and goodbyes in a lifetime. There are wonderful years, and disastrous ones—causing anxiety and hurts that are often kept inside. Having trusted friends who stay con- nected through the years of parish life is a tremendous help.
If a member of the beach family has had a particularly
hard year, especially if dealing with a difficult parish situation, the week affords time to be cared for and nur- tured by the rest of the group. In this safe place we can open up, be vulnerable and really talk, knowing the con- versation is safe and confidential. Looking back over the years spent together at the
beach, we feel a kinship with the early Christians. We, too, have shared our resources, joys, sorrows, laughter and tears. We’ve shared faith, which began our friend- ship and has been our connection—and will be our hope for years to come.
Addy is the director of communications for the South Carolina Synod.
What’s your mental health plan for the next few decades of your life? Do you have trusted friends to share the journey—friends who can share your joys and sorrows, and who are in it for the long haul?
October 2012 27
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