could be heard across the bar. The pretty young thing (PYT) bartender glanced at me with a look she might have given a horsefly. Yet the moment of truth arrived, and I let the BBHSL loose with reckless abandon. The barmaid was oblivious, and Piechota guffawed.
It was at that point
another woman, sitting at the bar, bought me a drink and sent over her business card. Her cell number was handwritten on the back. I explained that my aim was off by about four inches but that the effect of “The Look” was indisputable. I went over to thank the nice lady, who was having a spirited discussion with her boyfriend, who, in turn, was really pissed about the business card thing. I was recently
again relationship- free and open to sug- gestion. (I am seasonally single, as I am hard on women and disc brakes, with both worn and burned after 4,000 miles.) A local water- ing hole oozed the strains of Steppen- wolf ’s “Magic Carpet Ride,” and I could detect the aroma of gushing beer taps at 400 yards. There was the usual array of Harleys and cookie-cutter cruisers parked out
front—plus one weathered BMW R
bike with 780,678 miles on the clock. This bike was immaculate, save for the tattered inspection sticker from Tierra del Fuego on the fork and for the seat, which was nicely weathered except in the butt area. This blackened butt outline indicated an hourglass derriere, common to the female of the species. I entered the saloon with caution. Female R bike riders and black widow spiders are alleged to have similar mating habits. She wasn’t hard to spot at the bar, con-
sidering she was drinking from a skull. The Harley riders had given her some space, which I casually occupied, as I was wearing my classic BMW “Sturgis” shirt. (This may be the best BMW tee shirt ever printed.
Mine is 10 years old.) She gave me that appraising look that challenges any male biker to say something. I knew better. I sipped a glass of amber anguish from the tap and gave her the Battered Baby Harp Seal Look. “I know that look,” she said, biting her
lower lip. Five minutes later I was clinging to her
waist on the back of an R bike as she rode to a remote cabin in the New Jersey Pine Barrens. “Nice cabin,” I said, stepping inside. The
place was decorated in a unique rustic style. Hides from elk, moose, and deer cov- ered the floor. A series of leg-hold traps were pegged to one wall, ranging in size from bear to musk- rat. Head mounts and stuffed birds were in every room. A dog sled hung from the ceiling. “Let’s see that look
again,” she said, pick- ing up a club. “I was born and raised in Canada.”
Jack Riepe is again writing his column after spending 76 days in the hospital for various infections generally associated with Third World truck stops. He is speaking at Amer- icade in Lake George, N.Y., this June and attending the MOA Rally in Hamburg, N.Y. this July. His revised version of Con- versations With A Motorcycle, the one with the “Doucheville” chapters, is expected out this May. The sequel, Motorcycles Speak Louder Than Words, is scheduled to be released as a limited edition at the BMW MOA Rally. To reserve copies of either book, please email your name, address, and telephone number to jack.riepe@gmail. com. Please put: “Book Reservation” in the subject line. Please specify “Conversations With A Motorcycle - The D-ville Edition,” or the sequel, “Motorcycles Speak Louder Than Words” in the text.
May 2016 BMW OWNERS NEWS 105
• OEM standard shocks leaking and not rebuildable? • OEM ESA shocks are leaking and not rebuildbale? • Need new springs for OEM ESA or NON ESA shocks? • Your are tip-toing and want to lower the ride height?
• You have an older bike and need new suspension on a budget? - Call the experts at EPM performance
www.epmperf.com
www.epmperf.com 732-786-9777
The best return on investment: SUSPENSION
Mono shocks • Twin shocks • ESA shocks Replacement springs for OEM shocks Lowering springs for OEM shocks
Steet-Box • Telelever-Box • Steering Damper
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