mileageslaves I can’t make this stuff up
By David Cwi #28490 LOOK,
I GET IT.
You’re getting jaded. Perhaps you even think I make this stuff up. Well, if that’s your frame of mind, then enjoy the ride this month.
As far as you’re concerned its all BS. Yep, the pictures are fake, the stories baloney. Of course, you also believe the moon landing was a staged event at a Hollywood studio. Face it, come to grips with it. Some of us are just sick puppies to whom wacko stuff happens. But I digress. What else is new? I’m going at it this way because,
well, because when I look back on 2016, I have a hard time accepting it myself. I’ll just take you along for one ride. You’ll get what I mean as we drop in on a trifecta of magic moments. You ready? So let’s imagine you were on the
way back from Hyder, Alaska, the 2016 ride in question. We decided to blast to Hyder as a long day ride out of Smithers, British Columbia, intending to go there for a photo op and then swing back through Smith- ers, roll to Prince George, park it for the night, and then get going again to rumble the Ice Fields Parkway through Banff to Medicine Hat. There are a lot of great roads. Route 37A on the way to Stewart and Hyder is right up there, not because of the crank and the turn, but because of the way you are transported to the unexpected. Moments of the unexpected
defined those two days. To wit: The road runs along the Bear River, and before you know it, you are trans- fixed by two events. First off, you
74 BMW OWNERS NEWS January 2017
become aware that the river is fast moving, narrow where you are, and quite literally RIGHT NEXT TO the highway. You won- der if it is going to push out of its bed and onto the road. Then, from open territory all of a sudden you are transported to a Jurassic Park rain forest with low, rocky mountains close enough to seemingly walk to. Water falls are gushing out their sides as if glaciers were melting behind them, and there is no sun. Who’d a thunk it? And did we mention that you soon turn a corner to confront a blue glacier that just rolls up to the road and then stops? It’s you, your bud- dies along for the ride and that’s it. And that’s it. Video at the Raider Sport Touring YouTube Channel. It’s worth the dash north out of Vancouver to Smithers just to ride the Glacier Highway to Hyder. Once there, you too can torment the
Canadian Customs Officials. You see you are going from Canada-BC into the USA- Alaska, but you do need to come back. Complicating matters of course is
assurance. Try to imagine your aunt dressing you
down for failing to clean your room and living as if in a pigsty. A mashup of “Who do you think you are?” and “Who raised you?” and “Why did you do that when I clearly indicated you should not?” followed by “Give me your passports.” Oh my! I think she had a gun. Since we had apparently ticked her off
but not broken any laws giving her reason to send us back to Hyder, we were soon enough on our way after she handed back our passport deliberately, I believe, creating her revenge. You see, she gave me Clyde’s passport, and he got mine. Hold that thought. Let me add this reality to your giddiness: Eventually we both had to re- enter the USA and show our passports. We did that, but we were not together. Now you’re REALLY curious. As I said, I can’t make this stuff up. Did I mention the other women we met
that
between you and the customs building is this great sign over the highway: “Wel- come To Hyder, Alaska” and on a pole, “Entering Alaska.” Naturally, we wanted a photo op, but the only way to get a photo op is to set our bikes in the middle of the road with all this great signage above and behind us. Picture if you will a stalwart member of
the Canadian Customs Officialdom wav- ing at you as you do this. Okay, wave back and go about your business setting up that great photo. At some point in this process, she gets a bit hard to ignore as she jumps up and down and waves even harder, appar- ently wanting you to come her way. Best to send one of the guys over to tell her it’s okay, you’ll be there in a minute once you are done blocking the only highway into Alaska and Canada. Apparently this has her nose very much out of joint, or so reports the Raider sent over to give her
in those two days? Did I mention the mashup of Flag Girl and Baywatch Girl guarding that construction zone and mak- ing sure you came to a stop so traffic could alternate on the available paved lane? Admit it: Canadians are cool. That’s why, while stopped, they provide something really cool to look at. You see the Raiders have a Raider known
as “Flag Girl.” But Darla at the time was involved in roadway and bridge inspection, not stopping traffic, so Flag Girl is a bit of a tease, and she’s a good sport. But stopped in BC, we for sure were ready to recruit this Canadian for-real Flag Girl. There she was, a Baywatch mermaid
wrapped in canvas clothing that in turn was wrapped in reflective tape. With her streaming auburn hair covered in a hard hat, her smile showed the most amazing white teeth against her perfect tan, mir- rored in her bronze wire-framed, mirrored sunglasses. STOP and then SLOW were on
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