‘We’re not going to be able to change the stress or pressures. But if we can give couples and families the ability to talk in meaningful ways and to process emotions, they can be supportive of each other.’
he was making the transition from the Army to the National Guard. “We just hit it off. I was pretty much the only person
he could speak ‘Army’ to,” she said. “We were engaged aſter six months. Eleven months later we were married.” Despite their shared understanding of military life,
neither was fully prepared for the stresses deployment could put on a family. Terra still remembers Tomas’ first deployment aſter he re-enlisted in the Army follow- ing the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, 2001. “At that point we had two small children. I had
stopped working,” she said. “Tomas was really itching to go and serve, and I supported him. By June 2004 he was in Iraq. I was figuring out how to manage two tod- dlers, and he was gone.” As a military spouse, Terra was able to participate in
the Army’s Strong Bonds program, which offers parents, married couples, families and single soldiers opportuni- ties to learn coping and communication skills. Terra spent a weekend with other military mothers
who were also dealing with the stresses of deployment. When her husband returned, the two attended another Strong Bonds event to strengthen their marriage for when he inevitably would be deployed again. “Whether it be a husband whose head is still in the
Middle East or the promises we have to break to our children because of the unpredictability of missions, the marriage events are a good way to bring us back to cen- ter and remind us to stick to the core issues,” she said.
Trained to live in relationship “Tis is not therapy. It’s relationship training,” said Scott Hagen, an ELCA chaplain who supervises the Strong Bonds program in 19 northeastern states. “It’s an opportunity for single soldiers, married couples and families to get some training regarding relationship enhancement.” Studies have shown that service members who take part in the training experience lower divorce rates than
Carl Trost, Navy chaplain, baptizes the child of a sailor stationed on the USS Constitution (Boston). “One of our Navy traditions is to conduct baptisms using the ship’s bell as the baptismal font,” he said.
their colleagues, increased commitment to their rela- tionships (whether married or dating), and a decrease in relationship conflict—all of which play a role in the stress they and their loved ones face during deployment. “Te times that a soldier and a family are separated
can pull relationships apart,” Hagen said. “It’s critical that couples and families are able to talk, and we teach them specific techniques to do that.” Equipping military men and women to share their
emotions with their families is one of the areas where chaplains are called upon to just respond, Trost said. For Terra, open communication not only strength-
ened her family, it reinforced the role the Lutheran faith plays in their life. “As far as our marriage goes, we don’t know any life
other than this one. Te chaplaincy and the spiritual programs that are available to us are extremely impor- tant,” she said. “Tey’ve been instrumental in helping us remember that our Christian faith tells us that Tomas is a part of me, and I’m a part of him.”
Author bio: Carson is associate editor of Gather magazine. She is a member of Grace Lutheran Church in Evanston, Ill.
March 2016 37
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