“ Ful y known and ful y loved” “The Five Love Languages” for Lutherans By Meghan Johnston Aelabouni
Quality time
around the globe. In it, an older Polish man spends weeks practicing English everywhere he goes, to the amusement of his neighbors and consternation of his dog. At the end of the commercial, the man’s motivation is revealed: he boards a plane to England, where he is warmly welcomed into a house and says to the small girl inside, “Hi. I’m your grandpa.” The ad had a message that resonated with many—love’s ability to
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speak in the first language of the heart. My preaching professor in seminary, Craig Satterlee, now bishop
of the North/West Lower Michigan Synod, taught us that when sharing a message, “it’s not about getting the gospel said; it’s about getting the gospel heard.” Focusing on getting the gospel heard, he said, helps us look
beyond ourselves and consider: “Who are you preaching to? What is the good news for them? How do they need to hear it?” Gary Chapman, a pastor and author of the best-selling book
Giving/ receiving gifts
The Five Love Languages might argue that love works the same way as preaching: it’s about “getting the gospel heard,” offering love in the first language of the heart. Chapman proposes that there are five primary ways human
beings experience love: • Words of affirmation. • Quality time. • Giving/receiving gifts. • Acts of service. • Physical touch. All of these love languages can speak to us in some ways. But
usually one or two are our primary languages, the ways we feel most loved and those we miss the most when we don’t receive them. Most people, Chapman writes, naturally show love in the ways they
want to be loved, the “language” they best recognize. This approach seems sensible, recalling Jesus’ advice to “do to others as you would have them do to you” (Matthew 7:12). In his work with couples, however, Chapman found that this
Golden Rule doesn’t work when the people we love need to “hear” love in a different way. The solution? Chapman advocates for learning the love languages of others, as well as our own, and striving to show love accordingly. It’s what has been called the “Platinum Rule”: do to others as they would have you do to them. I thrive on words of affirmation. My 4-year-old daughter treasures
every gift she has ever received, a bird feather from the park no less than a fancy necklace. My 8-year-old son craves physical touch, and he and my husband bond over wrestling or tickle fights. Our
SPIRITUAL RESOURCES & PRACTICES •
LIVINGLUTHERAN.ORG 33 ast December a commercial from Poland touched hearts
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