WORKPLACE COLLABORATION
How do others react to your style? Do you put them on the defensive or are they relaxed? If you usually do not call your direct reports to your offi ce, they could be feeling anxious, defensive, worried or concerned. Are you allowing that to infl uence your thoughts?
You will have gathered your data for the logical part of the discussion. You will be armed with facts, fi gures, e-mails and reports. Is that amount of information overwhelming? Are you able to separate the issues involved or are they all grouped as one? Will the other person get a sense of dread or fear when they walk into your offi ce and see all that paper?
2. Recognizing your emotions and reactions. What might they say that will get you frustrated? Irritated? Impatient? Angry? What will bring out your compassion or empathy? Remember that your emotions are merely information to alert you to your thoughts. It is the same as “I’m feeling disappointed because I have to work late and won’t make it home in time for dinner.” Disappointed is your emotion; eating dinner with your family is not the cause of your disappointment. Once you make the connection between your emotions and your actions, your brain frees up much needed thinking processes; this act allows you to focus on completing your work.
Connecting your actions to your thoughts, as well as identifying the emotions that drive those thoughts and actions, is essential to not overreacting or reacting inappropriately. You can contain your impulses better and allow your logical mind to dictate your words.
3. Let them absorb your words and help them reframe the feedback. This part of the process can be the most uncomfortable. Give them time to think and time to vent. Your inclination might be to talk to fi ll the awkward silence. Say nothing. Let them gather their thoughts and regain their composure. Acknowledge
their thoughts and feelings by saying phrases like “I can see this upsets you”, and “It’s natural to feel this way.” Only say “I can see why you’d think that” if you agree. Explain how their actions and attitude aff ected co-workers in the fl ight department and others. Encourage them to look at their actions as part of the entire fl ight department. You can compare it to the parts that work together for a successful fl ight.
Reframing the feedback involves looking at the information (both the feedback and the emotions involved with hearing that feedback) in such a manner that the feedback loses its sting and its defensive grip. For instance, Joe is told that he needs to explain the ‘what and why’ he is doing when he is training Tim. Joe is concerned Tim will do it better and Joe will be out of a job. Joe can reframe his thinking to be “If I am to get promoted, I want someone else to do this just as well as I do. This way I am sure that Tim is doing it the right way and learning from my mistakes.”
4. Creating a “learn to adapt” action plan with follow up. The logical part is to create a cause-and-eff ect chain. The non-logical part is to understand that each individual needs to take responsibility for his or her own behaviors. Blame is not allowed because there is no one action that causes dissention. Learning to adapt includes raising self- awareness, the act of removing yourself from a potentially disruptive situation, and asking questions instead of responding immediately. In fact, this is one time where procrastination might be the best course of action. Care must be taken that actions are not seen as being weak or abdicating responsibility.
You can fl ow chart or draw a what-if process diagram to help them learn to adapt. It might include opportunities to improve and what skill (new or current) is needed to succeed. They lead this part of the discussion — you merely off er minor suggestions and ask questions when appropriate.
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