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smart | detour

Even 50 Shades of BlackBerry weren’t enough


The future is in the app support and social media compatibility of devices like Google Nexus

ith apprehension, I walked closer to the edge of the dark- ness that encompassed my

existence for so long. Te blinding light of the new dawn burned my eyes, unac- customed to the brilliance that engulfed my entire being. I cast off my shackles

of the old world, with its QWERTY keyboard that was actual but tons, the horrible app support, and a data plan that consisted of carrier pigeons mutter- ing their endless strings of zeros and ones. My inner goddess (don’t

we all have one?) jumped up and down, shaking pom- poms, chanting phrases of endless ecstat ic del ight – the joy is thicker than molasses, sweeter than maple syrup, and more husky than... something. Te ancient relic from an era long past

All Fun & Games Stephan Bazzocchi

that make my phone scream in a human- like voice when I shake it violently, and apps that make the icons on my screen swivel in awesome little patterns as I finally can partake in the societal ritual of swiping the screen side to side. Yes, I understand, there

is a new Nexus on the ho- rizon, already available to some, but with all things new, it takes time for the serfs and peons like myself to obtain these new tech- nologies that seem magical. Imagine the lowly farmer

with horse and plow, first experiencing a motorized tractor. It clearly becomes a device powered by witch- craf t, forged in the hot depths of the fires of Hades, whose fingers lightly trace

around the molten plastic and puckered silicone – or something. Sometimes one forgets that dark love

now sits in my junk drawer, with its other ancient brethren, the LG Rumour, the historic BlackBerry 8700, and the legend- ary Palm Treo 650. No longer do I have to get mocked for

my Blackberry Curve. I am now one that others envy. I now own a Google Nexus 5. Gone are the days of being shunned

like a leper at social functions. Gone are the days of being so out of sync with the rest of the world in the speed of social media. And gone are the days of not be- ing able to post beautifully filtered selfies to Instagram. In the proceeding weeks of this new-

The fifty shades of the Google Nexus 5. Photo courtesy of LG Electronics. Crossword

ACROSS 1. Details

5. USSR, in Russian 9. Spurred (on) 14. Poetic negative 15. D.C. bigwigs 16. Like some Central American pyramids

17. The Price is Right host 19. Catcher in the World Series' only

perfect game 20. Cup ____ (personal prefer- ence)

21. Java house order 23. J.D. forerunner 25. Cry of adoration 30. Boots for a peewee 33. Heart-rate meas. 35. Excuse to eat cake, briefly 36. Bear and Berra 37. CSA soldiers 39. Feudal peons 42. Soft-drink nut 43. Kipling's pack leader 45. French affirmatives 47. Washington st. capital (abbr.) 48. Ubiquitous sign in "Snoopy, Come Home!"

52. Notwithstanding 53. '60s conflict site, for short 54. Word in a song 57. Edith Wharton novel, "The House of ___"

61. Roofed patio 65. Early inhabitant 67. Cairo's country 68. Time in a seat 69. Dems.' foes 70. Belittle 71. Alimony recipients 72. Wapitis

DOWN 1. China preceder 2. Kiddy toy material 3. Iambs 4. Big Brother's creator 5. Book balancer, for short 6. Crocus bulb 7. '63 Liz Taylor role 8. Classic Hollywood thriller 9. Attache's residence

March 2015

10. Go, in Glasgow 11. With "ate," to dance wildly 12. Cauliflower ___ 13. Genetic stuff 18. Old Testament spy 22. 90 degrees from vert. 24. Some briefs, briefly 26. "Now I get it!" 27. Lousy 28. "Jurassic Park" star Sam 29. Test for content 30. Places securely (in) 31. Popular cable channel, briefly 32. Alpine region 33. Mark on a steer 34. Tea variety 38. Gruel, e.g.

Answers on next page Smart Biz 17

40. Ending for care or hope 41. Common noun suffix 44. Gymnast's attribute 46. Eastern guru 49. Place for a pig 50. Effervesce 51. Political escapee 55. Curvy-horned goat 56. Middle

58. Cambodian dollar 59. Hwy.

60. Amoco rival 61. Conducted 62. Grow long in the tooth 63. Lincoln Ctr. locale 64. World Health Day mo. 66. Rental ad abbr.

found bliss, I have explored the vast reaches of this new land: apps that track how many steps I’ve taken in a day, apps that let me voice control my phone, apps

affair that one has with all things tech, the novelty of “new” has lost its sting as the endless stream of latest and great- est lashes itself across our dashes, pins and feeds. We are endlessly spanked over and

over again into submission with the end- less march of corporate consumerism. Tis onslaught leaves our sense of “wow” seriously numbed, and we no longer see what a marvel of a world we live in. Sometimes it’s best that we force

ourselves to be bonded and tied to our devices for longer than we currently do, so as to not lose sight of the churning car- nal desire that our obsession with these devices fills us with. It’s truly exciting to be feeling this alive in what is officially the future. Now where is my movie deal?

Word Search

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Undertow Unman Upholds Wholesome Worker


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