NO-TORY-OUS By Victoria Hett


“As a desperate cry for help, you join indoor leagues for sports that clearly don’t interest you...”


into the hills and partake in their favourite winter sports and see how many vertical feet they can bank in the season before spring hits! Most people will guilt themselves into a gym membership and go once or twice a week to socialize and meander about the machines lifting a couple pounds here, walking the tread mill over there. Normal people, like the ones described above, make up the ma-


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jority of the population. But, if you’re reading this, you’re likely not normal. You’re a human afflicted with the dirt bike bug and as the snow keeps falling, your brain slips further into a state of disarray. You lose all focus as your ability to ride your motorcycle is stripped away from you bit by bit with each additional snowflake. To con- firm, if you are indeed one of the many humans that are inching their way closer to insanity as winter creeps up, ask yourself if you’ve ever done any of the following: •You purchase an exercise mat to set up in front of the TV, slip


in the last few Supercross races you’ve recorded and tried to force yourself to exercise for the entire moto thinking, if I can make it the whole 20 minutes, I’ll have an edge up on that kid that beat


ome people welcome winter as a time to relax, drink rum and eggnog and eat too much turkey. Others welcome it as a time for skiing and snowboarding. It’s a time to head


me the last half of the season! He won’t know what hit him! If you’re an off-road or cross country racer, you sometimes reach for the two-hour plus movie in order to work on your stamina in- stead. •You’ve yelled back at a person at the gym “10 minutes ‘til cut-


off!” when they ask how much longer you’re going to be on the machine. •It’s not quite Christmas and you frequent the garage just to


check up on your bike, even though you’ve already: stripped it down, cleaned every nook & cranny, replaced the wheel bearings, serviced the linkage, replaced worn parts, put a fresh air filter in, changed the oil, tightened every nut, bolt and spoke, flushed and replaced all brake fluid, mineral oil, and lubed everything up, put fresh tires & graphics on, and repaired the rips and tears in your seat cover. •As a desperate cry for help, you join indoor leagues for sports


that clearly don’t interest you, like soccer or volleyball, or you dis- tract yourself by one the following sports: ping pong, badminton, squash, curling, underwater hockey. •As an even more serious cry for help, you decide to partake in


one or more of the following adrenaline junkie sports hoping they may help to fill the void: base jumping, skydiving, wind surfing, sand kiting, slack lining, zorbing, roller derby, Crashed Ice, Baja 1000, ice racing, (the list goes on). •You “tuck your bike in for winter” by putting a blanket


over it so it doesn’t get cold in the garage over winter. Don’t laugh, I know guys that actually do this. I’m not say- ing I don’t do it, but don’t worry, I won’t mention any names, your secret is safe with me. You know who you are. Besides, if you can keep Mr. Bike comfortable, he’ll be less likely to kick your ass come spring right? When the snow turns to slush and the days slowly get


longer and brighter, the contingency of dirt bike fanatics who, due to their winter exploitations are now function- ing like they’ve been through several bouts of electro- shock therapy, will slowly emerge back into society and begin to recover. Until then, good luck my friends, and for those who make it through, good job. I’ll see you at the races. I would like to thank all my sponsors for the 2011 sea-


Tory’s dad, Rob Hett, out on a winter ride. 32 HOLIDAY BUYERS’ GUIDE 2011


son: Gas Gas Pacific, Gamma Sales, Gnarly Parts & Acces- sories, Valley Motosport, Scorpion Racing, Rekluse, Adrenaline Distribution, Bump MX, A Vicious Cycle, Li- menime Graphics, Faast Company, LTR Suspension, Ad- vanced Paving Technologies and of course Inside MotoX & Off Road.


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