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Why would she want to be a victim?


Does she think it’s noble or even saintly to be a martyr—to endure great suffering in order to show the world—even just her parents, sister, and employer—that she was willing to give up herself for their needs?


Is that the pay-off?


I mean, why would we do something over and over unless we’re getting some kind of benefit?


d in your life, focus on d who you’re becoming: y, beautiful, courageous, y empowered!”


How often to you find yourself in situation after situation feeling stuck and disempowered? Whether, wish- ing your spouse would be different— more helpful or attentive, your boss would respect and/or appreciate you more, or your children or parents would notice all the wonderful things you do?


For far too many women the pay-off is paltry and temporary. It’s called self-abnegation. We want people to like us and we’re afraid they won’t if we’re too wonderful . . . if we shine too bright! So to get attention we become victims—we get to have people feel sorry us. But people don’t stick around for long before they realize this has become our drama—our way of trying to gain control; unconsciously sucking en- ergy from others instead of realizing that only we can climb the empower- ment ladder in our own life.


The worst part is that not even realizing it, we’ve become both the victim and victimizer of our own


lives—deceiving ourselves, cheating ourselves by our own emotions, rob- bing ourselves of our own happiness, success, joy and self-love.


NEXT STEPS:


Switching from the embodiment of vic- timhood to WOMANhood is a process. The starting point is recognizing that if you are blaming, complaining, mopping around, pointing the finger, waiting and wishing for someone to help you—you are a victim (to a circumstance or person in your life). You may not be a victim to everyone and everything but in this situation—you are a victim. Simple.


You may not even see it right now but once you realize that you’ve become a victim, I encourage you to make a list of everyone you’re still blaming. Then, write each and every one of them a let- ter using the “voice of your wounded spirit”. Give power to your pain. Tell them how they’ve hurt you, neglected you, betrayed you, and/or abused you. Give yourself permission to grieve what could’ve been and should’ve been. Write it all!


Every. Last. Feeling. Every. Last. Thought.


And then share your letters with someone whom you trust and respect— someone you aspire to be like.


Once you’ve really “felt it”—once you’ve named it, claimed it, and grieved it—burn the letters. You must burn the letters for this to work!


Watch your words lose their power as they go up in smoke. Ask God, the Uni- verse, angels, your spirit guides—what- ever you believe—to transmute that


aspiremag.net


pain back into love. God can handle the burdens. You don’t have to. Say good-bye to the stories of your life. Decide to make these stories your history. Decide that you will not repeat them anymore. Ever.


Decide that you are done blaming. Done.


Finally, make a new list. Write down everything you’ve learned from these people; every gift—even if it’s just to learn how to forgive.


When you find yourself going back to the old stories, remind yourself of the silver lining behind every one of your darkest clouds. Realize that you always have a choice. And not making one is still making one. As you move forward in your life, focus on where you’re going and who you’re becoming: Strong, confident, happy, beautiful, courageous, and completely empowered!


I believe in you and I know you can do this!


Crystal Andrus is a leader in the field of self-discovery and personal transfor- mation. From a tough beginning—her parent’s divorce at age 12, sexual abuse from a family friend, moving on her own at 15, marrying young, battling health scares and a huge weight gain, then a difficult divorce that left her almost bank- rupt to becoming a single mother to her two young daughters—she has subse- quently risen to become a best-selling Hay House author, international speaker, women’s health advocate, spokesperson for Haylo Health, and Founder of The SWAT Institute. Crystal’s message is one of resilience, strength and inner power. Learn more at www.CrystalAndrus.com and at www.SwatInstitute.com


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