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FREIGHT BREAK Whiff of corruption


In a triumph for EU fraud investigators, six containers containing 144 tonnes of smuggled Chinese garlic (“disguised as onions” according to the official European Commission press release) have been intercepted in Lublin, Poland following a joint operation between the European Anti-Fraud Office and the Polish police and customs authorities. Scoff not, those of you who think that the boys in Brussels have nothing better to do than devise ways of spending your hard- earned taxes – the operation saved around €180,000 in lost duty. Unlike onions, garlic attracts an additional specific duty of €1 200 per tonne. We can all breathe a little easier...


Ouch!


I don’t know what it is about cities, but put two of them 50 miles or less apart, and you can guarantee that the fur will start flying. Think Nottingham and Derby, Glasgow and Edinburgh – and especially Portsmouth and Southampton or Liverpool and Manchester. Somehow, it gets even more bitter where both places are major ports too. So it should come as no surprise, then, that the two largest Dutch cities are not exactly best buddies either. On my recent trip to the country, many people in Rotterdam spoke gloatingly of Amsterdam port’s failure to break into the deepsea container market. But it seems that only in Rotterdam can you build a musical career on being


rude to the neighbours. The city has spawned an extreme form of techno, known as Gabber; one of its best-known bands is Euromasters, with their notorious single, Amsterdam waar lech dat dan? This roughly translates as ‘Amsterdam – where’s that?’ though I understand that it actually includes at least one profanity (And apologies to any Dutch readers who we’ve now shocked and offended). The album covers depicts Rotterdam’s famous Euromast come to life and doing something unspeakable to the city up the road. Having had a listen on Youtube, I must say it’s less a musical experience, more


like a visit to the dentist, but perhaps that’s just me getting old. (In fact, the title seems to be the sum total of the song’s very sparse lyrics.) Euromasters’ other songs all seem to follow the same pattern. Neuken in de


keuken (sorry, again, sensitive Dutch readers) is a reference to some rather unhygienic and uncomfortable domestic arrangements. As someone said on Youtube, you don’t actually have to understand Dutch for that to sound obscene.


Full of beans


The freight industry may be full of bean-counters, but East Anglia’s Dooley Rumble is doing almost literally that. As part of a contract to provide freight and warehousing services for ultra-trendy Notting Hill-based furniture company Made.com it will individually stuff Made’s bean-bags, using a specially- modified hopper on-site.


Julien Callede, Made.com’s chief operating officer was impressed by the way Dooley was able to set up their facilities for such a specific requirement. Made.com provides handpicked furniture items to customers throughout Europe and wanted a delivery service which would have a good fit with its customer ethic and exceptional attention to detail. A quick glance at its website suggests that it is not your average furniture company. Naked ladies are draped over its furniture, including its leather armchairs (which in my experience is a bit uncomfortable). You certainly don’t get that at DFS.


SoS from the Solent


The recession is hitting the freight and shipping industry in many ways but one of the most alarming consequences is the country’s maritime heritage. Registered charity The Solent Steam Packet has launched


an emergency appeal for £80,000 to pay for the 55-year old steamship SS Shieldhall’s statutory dry-docking and allow Europe’s last fully operational coastal passenger and cargo steamer to continue to carry passengers. From her base in Southampton. Unprecedented rises in fuel costs and continued reduction


in leisure spending, has left the charity unable to fund a dry- dock inspection of the ship without which she would lose her Marine & Coastguard Agency passenger certification. With the cost of steaming between Southampton and a UK dry- dock, at around £20,000 per day; SSP is seeking donations and support from individuals and businesses The charity points out that, unlike historic buildings, heritage ships are not eligible for grant aid towards


Image coutesy of Ian Bowman


sustainability and running costs. Surely £80,000 is very little to pay to keep a unique part of our maritime heritage in being, especially compared with the $166 million that the National Trust spent over £166 million on routine property maintenance.


http://www.ss-shieldhall.co.uk Unstoppable - improbable


I’m pleased to report that the freight industry has made it onto the Silver Screen. However, I’m sorry to report that the latest US action thriller starring Denzel Washington and Chris Pine about a driverless freight train careering under full power across Pennsylvania had me tut-tutting all the way through at the many technical inaccuracies, despite its claim to be based on a real life incident in Ohio a few years back. (Yes, I know I should get a proper life.) For anyone contemplating a visit to the States and planning to spend any time


near a railroad track, rest assured - major rail yards in the US are not operated with safety systems that would be barely adequate for a supermarket car park. If they were, there would provide a constant soundtrack of rending metal and exploding tank cars. But perhaps the most improbable aspect of the film was the casting of the yardmaster. No tattooed hulk in hobnailed boots but the delightful Connie Hooper.


Pat to the rescue


A few years back, an unseemly spat developed between the Coastguard and the AA, over the men in yellow’s TV advertising campaign in which they claimed to be ‘the Fourth Emergency Service, after the Police, Fire and Ambulance. (Actually, I have waited less time for the AA than I once did for an ambulance in central London, so perhaps their claim was if anything a little on the unambitious side). But now news reaches us from my brother-in-law, who lives in Edinburgh, of


yet another claimant to the title. After spending a considerable time marooned in stationery traffic one night somewhere in central Scotland, during the recent snows, “a bunch of postmen suddenly appeared, directing the traffic, helping to turn cars around and generally sorting everything out.” Perhaps the nation’s posties have hidden talents that go well beyond delivering the mail


Liquid asset


There is one drink that marks out the true Scot from the rest of humanity. No, I’m not talking about whisky, of which there are probably as many connoisseurs in Osaka as there are in Auchtermuchty, but Irn-Bru. The orange-canned soft beverage remains an acquired taste, and one that has stayed largely north of the border, though it is undoubtedly very popular in its home country (bafflingly so, according to many Sassenachs who have tried it). Even McDonalds serves it and only recently was Irn-Bru overtaken by in Coca Cola as the number one selling soft drink. Irn-Bru also has interesting properties, it seems. Someone left several cans


of soft drink outdoors during the recent sub-zero temperatures Next morning, the Cokes were completely solid – but the Irn-Bru was still liquid. A secret ingredient, maybe?


ISSUE 1 2011


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