relationships & sex
Odds of winning the jackpot:
1 in 175,711,536
Odds of holding a royal flush:
1 in 649,740
The ABCs of Sex
Part 5: P-S
By Abigail Luftig serves as the event that solidifies our
Odds of missing a mortgage payment after last night’s loss:
As the month of July stretches
change from horny, out-of-control teen-
on, those hot summer days and long
agers unsure of their bodies to adults
summer nights serve as constant ex-
who are masters of their own sexual-
1 in 1
cuses to slip between the sheets and
ity. Even those who have chosen to
get busy. As we enter the fifth chapter
save themselves for marriage can mark
of our list of reasons to get it on, we’ve
their lives into two separate categories:
covered reasons ranging from amour
before sex and after sex. Our first time is
to orientation to furthering the human
one of those events that shape our road
race to nuptials and almost everywhere
into adulthood. And it’s a much more fun
in between. But have no fear, we’re not
step then getting your first period!
done yet. Let’s pick up where we left off, Stimulate the economy – Hey now!
shall we? I know where your minds wandered
Popularity – Using sex to gain popu-
off to and you should all be ashamed
larity is one of those dirty little secrets
of yourselves. That was so not what I
that everyone has done but no one will
was referring to! However, if you think
admit to. Sometimes we use popularity
about it, a lot of money goes into legal
sex as a way of keeping his attention
sex. That multipack of condoms isn’t
and making him stay interested. Some-
free, you know. The sex toy you have
times it’s a way of bonding with our girl-
hidden under your mattress requires
friends; after all, it’s hard to take part
money. And of course, every woman
Some odds you can’t change, some you can. It just takes one call to
in the cocktail-infused gossip sessions
knows that Victoria’s real secret is that
with the ladies if you don’t have any sto-
her lingerie costs a small fortune! Now,
the Michigan Problem Gambling Helpline at 1-800-270-7117 to get started.
ries to contribute. It’s not something to
more than ever, as our nation struggles
be proud of but we have all, at one time
to raise itself up out of the depths of an
Our counselors provide free, confidential help to turn the odds back in your favor.
or another, used sex to affect our social
economic crisis, it’s important to do your
standing.
patriotic duty by buying as many con-
doms, sex toys, lingerie sets and birth
Quizzical – Curiosity may have killed
control pills as possible. And it’d be a
the cat but it also makes the sex kitten
shame to spend money on things you
purr. Quizzical sex strives to answer
aren’t going to use.
anthropological questions such as: I
wonder if short men try harder? Is it true
On that fiscally responsible note, I bid
what they say about Black men? What’s
you adieu. Our list this time was quite
nerd sex like? (No, yes and awesome,
possibly the most realistic and ground-
in case you’re wondering.)
ed group of reasons yet but that doesn’t
make them any less fun. So go forth and
Rite of passage –Sex is a rite of pas-
discover, economize, and grow in what-
sage necessary to become an adult. It
ever ways you can.
4 The Michigan FrontPage • July 0, 2009
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