Spreading The Dirt
By Dick Cory
NONE OF MY BUSINESS
It s probably none of my business, but &  We are tempted to use this introduction when we have doubts about what we are going
to say. Butting into others  business takes a leap of faith or naïveté. Nevertheless, we have already decided to give counsel before
uttering this line.
What gives us the right to offer advice? First, you must know the advisee well to take the risk of giving counsel. Family members,
close friends, teammates, and work associates fit this description. Beware, the gamble you have chosen may harm or destroy a
relationship.
On the other hand, if the suggestions are accepted to be constructive, relationships can be strengthened. You should use
introspection to make sure of your intent. If the relationship between you and the person is already strained, the exchange will clear
the air, as the saying goes-one way or the other.
Whatever the dialogue, the intent should always be the same-to bring positive results. You may have to ask, What is it that is
bugging you (or me). Our friendship is being threatened. Is it because &?  By sharing responsibility for the situation, no one needs
to feel blamed. Another expression meant to remove tension is, I could be wrong, but &  As recipient of this counsel, you should
feel non-threatened and thankful someone is willing to point out a difference of opinion. An embrace would be a fitting conclusion
to the solution both figuratively and physically.
Your premise is that you can see a clearer picture by your viewpoint as an outside observer.  In teaching, this problem was
called standing too close to the board,  (to see your mistake.) As advisor you may feel qualified to offer advice because of age or
previous experience. Most teenagers and even peers reject these qualifications. You assume your audience will at least hear you out,
but you may be wrong.
This session may involve other persons, increasing the risk you take. The discussion can be limited by saying,  This is between
you and me.  Saying this does not guarantee others will not become involved.
Be sensitive to emotions, and listen with your eyes as well as your ears. Your demeanor will influence the results. Realize when
the conversation should end. Either of you may terminate the talk or postpone the conclusion.
Now if you follow all this well-intended advice I ve given, you may choose to make it your business.  For the same reasons you
may choose to &let me know.
Dick Cory, a resident of Chico, CA, has written three books, Six Boys And A Bag Of Dirt, After The Dust Settles, and Sweepings
from Under the Rug. He can be contacted at ubangarang@sbcglobal.net.
Want more articles? Go to www.TodaysSeniorMagazine.com 48 Today s Senior Magazine does not endorse copy of contents of articles, editorials or ads
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