ROCK THE BOAT JUST ME AND MY


MONOPHOBIA. PHOTO: DAVE QUINN


FINDING FEAR IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES


“I wouldn’t have thought it possible to cry so much and for so many days on end. I cried because it never became easy. I cried because I had no one with whom to share the beautiful moments, and no one to encourage me. I cried because my resolve, my strength, my resourcefulness had to be enough and I was scared they would eventually be inadequate.”


ALONE and UNAFRAID


This is one of the more thumb-sucking passages from Going Alone, a collection of essays from women adventurers. I read this and 19 other deeply personal accounts of solo wilderness experiences in preparation for my own extended voyage—seven weeks on the open coast, alone. I felt ready. Ready to be lonely, fearful and weepy. But beneath


the forlorn blinking of an automated lighthouse, alone on a tiny island far offshore, I felt more perplexed than distressed. I waited for the crushing loneliness that would constrict my chest, stealing my breath and my confidence. I fed warm carrot soup into a hollow stomach and watched, quite dry-eyed, a heartbreakingly beautiful northern sunset. “Aren’t you scared?” asked nearly every person I encountered. It was not an unreasonable question. I knew all too well the hazards of coastal touring in remote areas by oneself: unpredictable, fast- changing weather and sea conditions, long stretches with difficult or no landings, frigid water, defensive mama bears, lost or damaged equipment, making poor decisions. »»


30 PADDLING MAGAZINE


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