Getting it Right? By Simon Nuttgens


Keep ‘em coming back. It is difficult to do good counselling if your client does not return for the next session. Although obvi- ous, this is not always easy. And sometimes “getting it right” in the context of blinding insight achieved within the consulting room has no place in the arena of sustaining a relationship and actually being helpful.


And so it was that I found myself sitting across from a late 20’s heterosexual couple in my first marriage and family counsel- ling practicum at the University of Alberta, which is where I was a masters’ student at the time.


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Admittedly, this was not the easiest cou- ple to work with for a first-time couples’ therapist. Although their presenting con- cern was typical (an uncommunicative hus- band and a “nagging” wife), the husband’s presentation in session was not. From the moment he walked in to the moment he left, he cried. Not a wailing or sobbing cry, but a quiet, gentle falling of tears that inched down his face with damp regularity.


What to do? My first session with the couple was solo; that is, with no supervisor behind the one-way mirror. I don’t remember much of what I did with or said to the couple dur- ing that first session, though I knew one thing for sure: the next session I would have my supervisor as backup behind the mirror. Whatever my approach during the first meet- ing, it was enough to inspire the couple to come back again.


For my second session I felt better prepared for the tears that would inevitably fall. Ad- vice from my supervisor was that I should meet briefly first with the husband; this way if he did not cry it would be safe to assume that the tears had something to do with his


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wife being in the room. Sure enough, when alone with me he did not cry, instead he con- versed with relative comfort and ease. Upon calling his wife from the waiting room, the tears once again began to flow. Now what to do? I fumbled along with the husband and wife, eagerly anticipating the intersession break that had been scheduled to occur with my supervisor about 45 minutes into the session.


liberating interpretation this early in my career erupted into a


“ I could not contain myself! The excitement of making such an insightful and potentially


triumphant exclamation [...] ”


At the break, the directions from my super- visor were clear and simple: “Go back and say to the husband, ‘Your tears speak very loudly. I wonder who it was that stole your voice.’” Such brilliance! I confidently strode back into the consulting room, and upon the first sign of a tear delivered the mes- sage. Silence from the husband. His lower lip quivered. I thought at any moment he would burst with an emancipatory answer. But no, it was his wife who spoke first, and in grand fashion: “YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHO STOLE YOUR VOICE! IT WAS YOUR UNCLE LARRY. HE’S ALWAYS TELLING YOU WHAT A WORTHLESS WIMP YOU ARE.”


“Wait a minute”, I thought to myself, “she ‘s basically giving her husband the same mes- sage as Uncle Larry. SHE is the “voice thief,” not uncle Larry!


I could not contain myself! The excitement of making such an insightful and potentially liberating interpretation this early in my ca-


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