ON THE FLOOR Shining example!


We lose our mind at a hotel complex eight miles outside of Middlesbrough at Goodgreef...


GOODGREEF, TALL TREES, YARM


“HERE’S JOHNNY!” growls a demented Jack Nicholson in what’s considered, in this correspondent’s mind anyway, the most psychologically disturbing fi lm ever made. Nope, we haven’t opted for a rare Saturday night on the couch by the fi re (it’s bloody freezing outside after all), with a bowl of popcorn and our favourite horror fl ick for company. Certainly not. These are the words resonating through this writer’s mind as we peer through a set of French windows at Tall Trees Hotel complex, across acres of snow- covered countryside in pitch-black darkness, the fl ood-lit blizzard the only light as we fi nger the words “no way out” onto the steamed-up windowpane.


Flashbacks of axe-wielding chases, icy mazes and spooky corridor confrontations with twin sisters to one side; it’s not just the snow that has our mind in overdrive. Or that this three-fl oor ex-country club clearly hasn’t had a proper redux since Jack realised, quite emphatically actually, circa 1980, that “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”. It’s a good job, then, that Tall Trees, our living (and dancing) quarters for the next 15 hours, has taken heed of such advice, by allowing the North of England’s trance juggernaut Goodgreef to take over its big function room at the back once again...


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