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People Say The Darnedest Things! by Janet Thompson, author and speaker


Your loved ones will say all the wrong things. All of us who have gone through infertility agree on this point. —Laurie, A Mommy-in-Waiting


Dear God, People keep asking when we’re going to start having children, as if I’m making a conscious decision not to! I try shrugging it off with an answer that we probably will “someday.” Inside, I’m dying. Why are people so insensitive and why do they feel it’s ok to ask something so personal? Everyone seems to think they’re a doctor and they know the answer to my infertility. Then the advice . . . the number one thing everyone seems to say is, “Oh, you just need to relax.” Or “You’re young; you’ve got plenty of time.” UGH!!! Help, God, they’re killing me! Wounded by Words, Kim


Kim is my precious daughter whose struggle with the heartache of infertility was often intensified by well-meaning—yet wounding—words. Many infertile couples’ stories mention how thoughtless and hurtful people’s comments and advice can be, even in the church—especially in the church. Debbie wrote, “I’ve experienced people in the church say some of the worst things ever to me with every good intention. Probably one of the most insensitive and painful is, ‘Maybe God never meant for you to have children.’”


You can be sure thoughtless, hurtful comments aren’t from God, who instructs: “Kind words heal and help; cutting words wound and maim” (Proverbs 15:4 MSG).


10 Things Not To Say or Do To Someone Experiencing Infertility


I believe in the front of every church directory there should be a list of things that you shouldn’t say to people during times of


grief, just like emergency


preparedness in the front of the phone book. —Debbie, A Mommy-in-Waiting


Most people don’t mean to be hurtful: they innately want to say and do the right thing. They offer a cliché or something that minimizes your situation or feels patronizing because they’re uncomfortable being around someone suffering.


Here are ten helpful tips from Mommies-in-Waiting:


DON'T 1. Talk about people you know with infertility. 2. Tell me God is in control, or has a plan. 3. Tell me to pray harder. 4. Pity or patronize me. 5. Avoid me. It makes me feel rejected, different. 6. Tell others, unless you have asked permission. 7. Offer unsolicited advice or suggestions. 8. Resent how my infertility affects you. 9. Ask personal questions or give advice. 10. Assume it’s a “female” problem.


SALE $


DO 14.97


1. Let me talk about mine and listen. 2. Show me God’s love. 3. Pray for and with me. 4. Show compassion. 5. Keep normal contact with me. 6. Honor my privacy. 7. Support my choices. 8. Remember, this is about me. 9. Curtail curiosity. 10. Respect it’s personal.


For "10 Suggested Responses for the Infertile Couple" visit www.mtlmagazine.com


Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby? Janet Thompson


6 • March Gladness


Provides women and “couples-in-waiting” guidance and encouragement not to lose faith in God, or in each other. (Leafwood) SC 9780891122746 $15.99 SALE $14.97


Excerpts taken from Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby? A Companion Guide for Couples on the Infertility Journey, Janet Thompson, Leafwood Publishers.


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