Diary of a head A sign of the times


As Stuart Mcleod looks back at the highs and lows of 2011, all the signs point to another action packed year ahead


men fi nally arrive at the stable, having missed the party completely and have only the dregs of beer and fag-ends to assuage their efforts. Bless them, they followed the sign and the sign kept driving them on. In the course of the last year it has been the natural condition to refl ect on the signs that came my way and how they impacted on me. One of the signs with the most impact was


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a board above the gents’ urinal at Fleet service station on the M3. We were taking the whole of year 4 to meet with their counterparts at our partner primary school in Southall. It was to be a great day of multi-cultural stimulation and friendship combined with a heavy dose of Gurdwara visiting, Asian dancing and tabla drumming. Brilliant! Now, at this point I expect only the blokes


in primary education will identify with this… when you’re the only man escorting the Wild Bunch alpha males to the gents just where do you go and what do you do? Do you stand in the loos surveying all and sundry looking like the community paedophile, attracting worrying glances from the Eddie Stobart driver? Or do you wait outside while listening to the guffaws inside? How about standing at the


elcome back everyone and a happy new year to you. It’s about that time of year when the three wise


urinal pretending to pee while Asperger Alan decides to engage your thoughts as to who was the bestest Doctor Who? Well, I tried option two and discretely loitered outside but the whooping emanating from within could not be ignored. A melee had gathered around the board showing a picture of two naked men, one holding a hat around his privates and another alongside him with a hat hovering about his, er, unmentionables. It was the moment I realised that our phonics


teaching policy really was working. Slowly the boys, in unison, began to read the advert’s wording. “Mr McLeod, what is er-ec-tile dys- func-tion? How is that man holding his hat? Is it magic? And what is pre-mat-ure ejac-u-la-tion?” All I can say is that it was the right place to


have a hot fl ush! After that we had to contend with the “chewing gum” machines. Again, the reading decoding was exemplary, even with the challenging “Skyn” and “End-ur-ance”. However, the chance to blow big bubbles out of the ends looked to be the greatest fun. Sadly, sweets weren’t allowed on the coach! So, if any Ofsted inspector wants to come and see the success of the phonics programme do join us and escort the lads. Another sign was revealed at the latest


Preparing for Ofsted course I attended. This was the sign that inspectors will be lurking


around the playground at 10am surreptitiously trying to overhear children calling each other prejudicial bullying terms such as “gay”, “slag” or “bitch”. There are some playgrounds where that would be gratefully acknowledged by the staff as “received pronunciation” and something to aspire towards in the speaking and listening department. The trainer constantly reminded us that


narrowing the gap was at the forefront of current Ofsted thinking so I’ve written to London Underground asking if they have a copy of the recorded voice on the Tube that reminds passengers to “mind the gap”! This will be played on a digital loop in every classroom to remind teachers of the blooming obvious. Finally, the most portentous sign emerged


when a colleague and I travelled up to London Waterloo to give a presentation to a potential sponsor for an academy. Our brief was “Outstanding Education in the Early and Primary Years”. We were well-prepared with PowerPoints


oozing from every orifi ce. Off the train, along the platform, through the barrier and… not through the barrier! It froze on me, repeatedly, to the point of exhaustion, and I caused an almighty constipatory blockage of suits behind me. The signs were not that favourable as impatient passengers behind me tut-tutted. Looks like I need to hit the gym again in


January. Roll on 2012! sbmcleod@sky.com


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