In It Together Donald Wood, Interlachen, FL
“Besides the common physical and hormonal changes my wife went through, I tried to be sensitive to that fact that other life-changing events were taking place, such as our kids moving out of the house and our becoming empty-nesters. The most surprising realization my wife came to was when she looked at a stranger’s baby and said to me, ‘Well, I guess that’s not in the future for us anymore.’
Even though more children were never in the plan because we had three grown kids already and I had a vasectomy after our third child, there was still a feeling of loss that if my wife wanted to, her body wouldn’t allow another pregnancy. I looked at all these changes as something we could truly go through together because they affected us both. By letting my wife know I was as emotionally affected by them as she was, we were able to bond in a way I think we might have overlooked if we just focused on her menopause symptoms.”
Humor Helps Dave Balch, Twin Peaks, CA
“My wife was going through breast cancer treatment when her menopause symptoms kicked into full gear. Within a six-month period, she was dealing with chemotherapy, radiation, radiation burns, shingles, hot flashes, and hormonal changes. It was such a tough time in both our lives, and it was all out of our control. The best way to deal with everything was through humor. We laughed a lot. We’re both kind of funny people anyway, so we made sure to tune into that. We made a point of watching comedy shows and funny, light- hearted movies. When times were really difficult, one of the best things we did was reminisce about funny things that happened in our lives. It always lightened up the mood. We even made a point to write down the events so we had a list to refer to when we needed a pick-me-up. While the circumstances weren’t funny one bit, laughter seemed to take our minds off the hardships.”
Give Your Partner a Clue
In an ideal world, all men would know exactly what to say and how to act to ease your menopausal symptoms, but unfortunately that’s not reality. Help clue them in with the following tips from Melanie A. Greenberg, PhD, clinical psychologist in Marin County, CA.
• Don’t assume he can read your mind (or body). Explain clearly how menopause is affecting your response to specific situations (eg, it’s slower for you to get aroused; you’re not sleeping well; you feel emotionally sensitive).
• Reassure him that your love for him hasn’t changed. Tell him you are figuring out how to cope with the changes and ask for his help and/or patience.
• Ask him if he notices you behaving differently. Then be willing to listen to how he feels about your change in behavior.
• Make a commitment to communicating honestly and openly about your needs and feelings. Then ask him to do the same.
• Ask for what you need directly and specifically. For example, tell him you need more help with housework because you’re tired or you need more transition time before sexual contact.
• Remind yourself and him that you have weathered other storms as a couple. Give encouragement that you will make it through this one, too.
• Try to keep a sense of humor. It’s okay to make light of hot flashes once in a while to lighten up the mood.
FALL / WINTER 2011 pause 35
Laralova/
Shutterstock.com
Laralova/
Shutterstock.com
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