r & r


Real Men Open Up About “The Change”


By Cathy Cassata


While hot flashes, vaginal dryness, and hormonal changes might be all you think about these days, they’re probably the last thing you want to talk about—especially with your significant other. That’s why we’re letting the men do the talking this time. So take a deep breath, sit back, and listen to how these four men connect with their partners during menopause.


Be Honest Barry Maher, Corona, CA


“My partner was always a very stable person and the more grounded one in our relationship, so when she started having hormonal changes, I was completely taken by surprise. The best thing that could have happened to us was her explaining to me that her moods were physiological, not just her acting out at me for no reason. Because I struggled with up-and-down blood sugar levels in my 30s, I understood exactly what she meant. The world can look one way one minute and completely different the next. This didn’t mean that I just


34 pause FALL / WINTER 2011


had to think happy thoughts and everything would be fine. I tried to be tolerant during her mood swings. We came up with a plan that when she lashed out at me, I would wait for her to calm down and then point out that whatever she was upset with me about wasn’t something she would have been upset about in the past. Most of the time, she was able to see how her reaction was out of the ordinary for her, and we could calmly talk through it.”


Take It Slow Gary Wilson, Ashland, OR


“My wife and I make sure we engage in daily affectionate touch, even during


times when we don’t feel totally up to it. This keeps us connected despite what’s happening around us. We snuggle when we wake up and before we go to sleep. Most afternoons we also make love. When she began experiencing


vaginal dryness, we used food- grade, organic almond oil for lubrication. We make love often, but try not to be in a hurry. We take our time, and I focus on kissing and caressing before entry. This slower approach with less focus on the finish helps her feel at ease and more comfortable. If she feels interested and ready for intercourse, then the experience is meaningful and gratifying for both of us.”


Winston Link/Shutterstock.com, Laralova/Shutterstock.com


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