decision-making in the Church, especially in matters that directly concern the way they live their Christian lives. Yes, I had problems over the Vatican I prom- ulgation of Papal Infallibility. I had more problems over some of the subsequent inter- pretations about the exercise of papal and magisterial authority that were apparently being used to suppress discussion of difficult issues in the Church: the concentration of power (potestas rather than auctoritas) exer- cised by human beings, is always dangerous when all opposition can be suppressed, espe- cially when the basis for the oppression rests on “proofs” that may have failed to take account of divine revelations
through
increased knowledge of scientists and explor- ers into human nature. For many years this was my excuse for remaining an Anglican. Why did that excuse fail to deter me from
conversion? Why, indeed? My answer is that God gave me a direct push that I could not resist. It happened during the 2008 Lambeth Conference at Canterbury when I realised that there was a desire for increased hierar- chical power (potestas) among many bishops in the Anglican Communion. Some wanted uniformity of belief in the Communion. Many agreed to promote a covenantal agreement among provinces of the Communion that would exclude some provinces who could not agree with their proposals from full member- ship and collective decisions of the Communion.
It was during that conference, which I
attended as a dissenting lobbyist, that I remembered some of the many discussions I had from the 1970s onwards with Catholic women and men who opposed me (and those of like mind with me), because I was urging Anglicans to ordain women into the ordained ministries as they then were. They told me, in no uncertain terms, that to do so before the structural reform of Church institutions might result in women absorbing male pat- terns of dominion authority through power (potestas, not auctoritas). I had resisted my Catholic friends’ pleas: I hoped that the ordination of women would complement the ministry of men, and would lead to changes in a male-led institution that might be beneficial to Church and State alike. I also hoped that ordained and lay ministries would become more collaborative. I still hold to that view, even though (as is usual during any change in structures) some women priests have been drawn into male patterns of domin- ion – that is potestas, not auctoritas. After the Lambeth Conference I realised that God was calling me to exercise a servant ministry rather than a managerial one. By that time I had some personal experience of the temptation to potestas that was inherent, not in the priesthood itself, but in the cleri- calisation of institutional structures. That was the moment when I realised that I was called by God to move to a Church where I could not exercise dominion of any sort, but where
I could still learn what servant priesthood actually meant when put into practice. God was calling me to a servant ministry
that had to be exercised in a Church that spoke about the servanthood of Christ, but did not yet fully understand that hierarchical power could undermine the real authority He gave to his disciples and those who followed the Way, and that did not mimic State power, even in democracies.
I am now a Catholic in a local parish where
lay men and women do not have any role at all in making decisions, and in a diocese and Church where episcopal and priestly potestas holds sway. I am there, knowing that I cannot exercise a liturgical diaconal or priestly min- istry, nor can I share in decision-making, nor can I exercise influence in a structure that does not have any official way of listening to the laity. My conversion has been, I think, genuine.
I believe it to be an act of love for the Church of my birth and for the Church that has adopted me in good faith. I bring with me a wealth of experience in the servant ministry for I have never held any position or power in the Anglican Church. I am content to end my life in prayer for the Christian Church and the world of which I am a part. Both need change.
■Dr Una Kroll is a retired GP. Her most recent book is Living Life to the Full: a guide to spiritual health in later years published by Continuum.
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