THE WILNO TAVERN
JJ’S ROCK & ROLL LOUNGE
THE BACKEDDY PUB
LE LIBIDO & CALUMET PIZZA
THE RIVER CLUB THE ROCKCLIFFE TAVERN
JENNIFER’S THE DRAKE THE MAD TRAPPER
Serving: Gull River, Minden, ON. Mullet factor: High (but long at the back). Beer by the gallon: 140 oz. pitchers for $34. Local brew: Molson Canadian. Clientele: Locals and cottagers mingle on Saturday nights with camp staff from Kandalore, Kilcoo and Onondaga. House cocktail: Jack Schnapps (“hangover in a glass”). Perks: Taxi service, ATM across the street, $3 drinks on Wednesdays, Sunday night open mike on the patio.
Serving: Ottawa River, Portage, QC. Menu: “They sell food here?” Night: Sundays. Watch for: Rafting staff trailer trash and pimp-and-ho theme nights (as shown). Perks: Skinny dips in the river. Drinking age 18. Meat market factor: Grade A. Odds of sucking face on dance floor: High. “Even the losers, get lucky sometimes.”–Tom Petty.
Serving: Madawaska and Ottawa Rivers, Wilno, ON. Menu: Polish perogies, Skidder Burger, homemade pies. Night: Tuesday-night blues jam. Local Beer: Valley Gold. Locals: Aging draft-dodging hippies and lumberjacks can really cut the rug. Perks: First Tuesday of the month is smoke-free. Factoid: Oldest Polish settlement in Canada.
Serving: Rouge River, Grenville, QC, where $10 buys: A) a lap dance for the lonely river guide that lasts for two songs; B) a poutine and hotdog combo washed down with Jack Daniels.
Serving: Kananaskis River, Canmore, AB. Watch for: Live music by “BC DC”, dirtbags, posers. Factoids: One of Canada’s “top 3 ski bars”.
Serving: Skookumchuck, Egmont, BC. Home of: Fabled Skookum Burger—pictured here with Jay Kincaid—10 ounces of beef with fries and all the fixins’ for only $16.25.
Serving: Kicking Horse River, Golden, BC. Watch for: stuffed animal heads, disco ball, the Golden Kayak Club refueling on cheeseburgers and Kokanee.
Serving: Slave River, Fort Smith, NT. Factoid: Half the paddlers in town bartend at JJ’s. Perks: Paddling vids on the big screen, all-night jam sessions, nightly specials—Wing Tuesdays, $3 Highball Wednesdays, Draft Fridays.
Serving: Sturgeon Falls, Seven Sister’s, MB—pop. 70. Perks: Chef Jozef’s alligator chowder, rattlesnake consommé and shark borscht; monthly draw for a steak & lobster dinner including a shot from a $1,350 bottle of 100-year-old French cognac.
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