Re-actionary illustration by Lorenzo Del Bianco The Kernel of Truth Or maybe rotten to the core?
BEN AYLSWORTH’S RE-ACTIONARY COLUMN has generated more letters to the editor over the last seven years than anything else in the magazine. Why? He thinks it’s because he finds the kernels of truth in our river culture that the rest of us are too scared to talk about. Or maybe we get letters because he’s just a class V jackass. Here’s a look back at what you might call the best (or worst) of Re-actionary and then, of course, it is up to you to decide.
CANOEING
Dinosaurs once ruled the Earth. They, like whitewater canoes, were big, slow and dumb. The world underwent radical change. For dinosaurs it was a meteor the size of Texas; for the Prospectorasaurus Rex it was the development of the second blade. The only dinosaurs that exist today are in museums. Come to think of it, isn’t there a national canoe museum? Oh, one more thing, duct tape isn’t cool!
FAMILY LIFE
It’s not waterfalls or boulder-choked creeks, it’s chicks and newborn babies that are the most dangerous things that can happen to paddling guys. Chicks love that you love the outdoors. But they have an agenda. It’s lonely on the couch, and they will soon start resenting your paddling trips and your friends. So you go on walks, plan picnics, meet her parents and spend 20 bucks on romantic comedies starring Hugh Grant. Babies are no different, except you can see them coming. Tick, tick, tick… you have nine months. Then when the one-day wave is up where are you? Lamaze.
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www.rapidmag.com NEW WAVE RIVER CULTURE
In the old days, when passing another car stacked with boats you could always count on a friendly wave from a comrade in arms. You were just saying, “Hey there fellow paddler, I love you,” and then you’d drive on past. It gave us the warm fuzzy feeling. Maybe the impersonal mentality that wafts up from the sewers of Toronto’s egocentric culture has finally poured its foul odour of indifference into our rivers.
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