Then there’s actor Don Packard (credited as “Drug-


store Owner”) who explains that he was suffering from an anxiety/depression disorder, which made him de- test the entire cast and crew, especially George Hardy (Michael Waits) with his annoying Southern ac- cent and bubbly disposi- tion, and that pesky, young Michael “pain in the ass” Stephenson. You also won’t wanna miss loveable weirdo and book hoarder Robert Ormsby (Grandpa Seth) sitting in his living room, sur- rounded by thousands of randomly stacked vol- umes that threaten to


topple over and crush him while he recites some of the wonderful soliloquies from the film. And there’s much more, including fan films, an ex-


tended chat with the adorable Deborah Reed (goblin queen Creedence Leonore Gielgud), extra footage from the Texas Fear Fest convention and the Alama Draft- house’s Nilbog Invasion and, finally, a fantastic audio interview with Stephenson and Hardy. Basically, if this doesn’t satiate your Troll 2 longings,


seek professional help immediately! STUART F. ANDREWS


DOMO ARIGATO MISS ROBOTO


ROBOGEISHA Starring Aya Kiguchi, Hitomi Hasebe and Takumi Saitô


Written and directed by Noboru Iguchi FUNimation


It would be an unfortu-


nate mistake to brush this bizarre comedy off as a typical pinky blood and goo affair because there is something different about RoboGeisha... beyond the obvious title character. Relying more on quirk


than gore and breast milk over geysers of blood (al- though, there certainly are both), director Noburu Iguchi (Machine Girl, Mutant Girls Squad) shows he can wield wit as well as he can incite shock and disgust. Kageno Steel Factory is up to something insidious


and manufacturing bombs is only the beginning. Hell- bent on destroying Japan, the president of the steel works, Kenzan Kageno (Tarô Shigaki), and his son Hikaru (Takumi Saitô) recruit and train a group of geisha, including Yoshie (Aya Kiguchi) and her extremely jealous and competitive sister Kikue (Hitome Hasebe), as an army of assassins. Determined to take their sibling ri- valry to the next level, the two sisters begin mechaniz- ing their bodies with weapons – breast cannons, wig napalm and armpit katana, among them – quickly be- coming more robot than human and intensifying their hatred of each other. Instead of just leaving it at that, the plot gets a little


unwieldy. The last half-hour could have been congealed into a five-minute geisha showdown but things go daikaijuwhen the factory morphs into a giant robot cas- tle and attempts to blow up Mount Fuji. This makes the


RoboGeisha: The breast defence is a chest gun.


end of the movie drag, as even more ridiculous me- chanics (geisha tank, ass-sword, double RoboGeisha) are added, while the side plots struggle to sort them- selves out. Digressions aside, the tongue-in-cheek di- alogue and self-reflexive humour hold up through the finale (“such an embarrassing costume, yet such im- pudence!”), making it easier to forgive the overambi- tious storyline. While you might see more creamed corn and spaghetti special effects than blood fountains and serial amputations, RoboGeisha is a pleasant surprise for those tired of the usual Japanese B-movie antics. JESSA SOBCZUK


CRY FOR ME, ARGENTINA


AND SOON THE DARKNESS Starring Amber Heard, Odette Yustman and Karl Urban


Directed by Marcos Efron Written by Jennifer Derwingson and Marcos Efron Anchor Bay


Stay home. That’s the lesson to be learned from


this American remake of the like-titled 1970 British film about a pair of English nurses separated during a French bike holiday, which was compared to Hitch- cock in its day. The remake is similarly plotted – Stephanie (Amber Heard: Zombieland) and Ellie (Odette Yustman: Cloverfield) are American tourists cycling through Argentina – but must be viewed through the filter of recent films such as Hostel and Turistas, movies that have, deliberately or not, in- creased xenophobia. Director Marcos Efron and cinematographer Gabriel


Beristain (Blade II) showcase the beauty of Northern Ar- gentina by putting Stephanie and Ellie into a sun- drenched countryside where the threat initially seems minimal, despite the fact the women are travelling alone in a country where they don’t speak the language. After all, they are strong, independent and, most importantly, American. What could happen? Dread is established early on as flirtatious Ellie picks


up a local in a bar as the recently heartbroken Stephanie looks on. In the background is Michael (Karl Urban: Star Trek), a fellow American whose purpose in Argentina isn’t clear. When Ellie disappears after a fight with Stephanie and the local police prove unhelpful dread turns to horror, especially in light of Michael informing Stephanie that several young women have disappeared from the area recently.


The director’s choices regarding what to keep from


the original and what to change are telling. Whereas the 1970 film told a simple tale of murder, the new ver- sion introduces a paranoid, con- spiratorial tone, in keeping with Hostel. Like the original’s direc- tor, Robert Fuest (The Abom- inable Dr. Phibes), Efron wisely resists the urge to subtitle the lo- cals, thus adding to Stephanie’s (and our) sense of isolation. Unfortunately, 40 years of


modern thrillers mean there are no surprises here. Some charac- ters we think are good are not, and vice versa. Heard and Yustman refuse to play their characters as party girls; instead they are naive but likeable. Urban, unfortunately, doesn’t get to do much in a role that could have been considerably more sin- ister. If nothing else, this new version of And Soon the Darkness should shed light on the creepier original. SEAN PLUMMER


THE MISSING THINK


THE LOST TRIBE Starring Emily Foxler, Nick Mennell and Brianna Brown


Directed by Roel Reiné Written by Mark Davidson Image


Sometimes you watch a horror film and can imagine


the pitch meeting that got it greenlit. “Yeah, so, guys, picture this: The Descent crossed with Predator. We bumped into Lance Henriksen at the hotel bar last night, and he’ll do it for airfare, plus three hots and a cot. This thing is so low-budget that we’ll make a killing on the foreign markets. They’ll love it in the Philippines.” So, yes, The Lost Tribe (unsuccessfully) channels its


betters, while tossing some Da Vinci Code-style reli- gious conspiracy into a creature feature that (bonus points for originality) touches on the theory of the miss- ing link. Too bad it all comes off as an unevolved amal- gam of its superior source material. We open on an archaeologist discovering a mysteri-


ous fossil on a remote island. That information is soon transmitted to a priest who orders a hit squad (helmed by a disinterested Henriksen) to dispose of the archae- ologist and all evidence of her discovery. We then


39RM


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