The Hall of Fame Understanding the bailout
It is a slow day in a damp little Irish town. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, every- body is in debt, and ev- erybody lives on credit. On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the town, stops at the lo- cal hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants
to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night. The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher. The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the sup- plier of feed and fuel. The guy at the Farmers’ Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the pub. The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him “services” on credit. The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note. The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich travel- ler will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pock- ets the money, and leaves town. No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism. And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how the bailout package works.
Getting your money’s worth
Outside the small independent bank in Ireland the crowd was gathering, anxious about their finances. “Tell us the facts,” they shouted. “Remember we were the first people to deposit money with you.” The manager came out and told the crowd: “And because of that you are what we call preferential creditors.” “What does preferential creditor mean?” they
chorused. “It means,” said the manager, “That when we go bust you will be the first to know.”
42 mORTGAGe INTROduCeR DECEMBER 2010 Pirates watch out
The Apprentice star Christopher Farrell, a former mortgage broker and Marine commando, was kicked out of the series by Lord Sugar last month. Farrel had already made the headlines for the wrong reasons but former Sun editor Kelvin MacKensie, said: “I defended Mr Farrell on The Apprentice after- show You’re Fired. He revealed that come mid- December, when the The Apprentice winner is unveiled, he will be heading straight out to the Indian Ocean where he will be riding shotgun on tankers to ward off the unwanted advances of the pirates. Mr Farrell, 29, is a former snip- ers and member of the Special Boat Squadron and will be making around £10,000 a month.”
Peter Gleeson, chairman of Castles Surveyors, en- ters the Hall of Fame this month, having stumped up £500 for a blow dry at this
year’s Broomstick Ball The Broomstick Ball was a treat this year with mortgage industry bigwigs stumping up thousands
for charity auction lots as diverse as helicopter rides, boxing gloves and golf trips for two. The absolute highlight for the HoF though had to be during lot one – a luxury pedicure at top-end Mayfair salon Michaeljohn. The bidding started at £50 and as it passed the £450 mark an incredulous Peter Gleeson, chairman of Castles Surveyors in London, turned to deputy editor Davo and said with a perfectly straight face: “Wow, that’s a lot of dosh for a pedicure isn’t it?! But I guess that’s an expensive salon – it’s like 500 quid for a blow job in there. Blow dry!! Blow dry!!” Too late Mr Gleeson, the cat is out the bag. Gleeson, the HoF salutes you.
At Mortgage Introducer towers we’re thinking it’s no surprise that North and South Koreans are having difficulty seeing eye-to-eye. Meanwhile, publisher Robyn Hall has a new aftershave that smells of breadcrumbs. Apparently the birds love it.
Spot the ball and win £50 worth of John Lewis vouchers
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Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other : “Funny, I smell carrots too”.
Just take a look at this photo of an England train- ing session and work out where the ball is. Photocopy the page, put a cross where you think the centre of the ball is, and send it – along with your name & address – to Nia at the address on page 3. Good luck!
Congratulations to Fahim Antoniades, group director, Mortgage Centre IFA,who will shortly receive £50 of John Lewis vouchers
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