PARISH PRACTICE MARY COLWELL
Not-so-happy families A
t the end of Mass, Catholics are charged with an onerous respon- sibility: to take the peace of Christ we have received in the Eucharist out into the world, to love and serve the Lord by loving and serving one another. This is done by trying to live a life mirrored on Christ himself, by contributing financially to aid and development agencies working around the world and maybe also by giving time and resources to charities closer to home. But how many see this responsibility as extending into the lives of those next to us on the pew? Families can often seem under control and peaceful when they are out in public; but at home, there may be pressures, confusion and chaos. They might not make the con- nection between what is going on at home and what they are doing when they come to Mass – and if they are aware that they have a problem, they may be afraid or unwilling to come forward for help. The terrible cases of extreme, violent child abuse such as Baby P, Victoria Climbié and Khyra Ishaq have height- ened our awareness of how the young and vulnerable can fall prey to the depths of human depravity. According to the Office for National Statistics, every week in the United Kingdom one or two children die at the hands of those charged with caring for them. Most cases, of course, are not as serious as the ones that hit the headlines, and abuse (physical, emotional and sexual) is more often in the form of neglect and cruelty that can seriously damage a child’s development, perhaps leading to behavioural and mental- health problems. The North Yorkshire Safeguarding Children Board tells us that abuse is not restricted to any one sector of society; it is prevalent across all social classes, income levels and standards of education. According to the charity Action for Children,
neglect is by far the most common type of abuse and can take the form of not providing enough food and allowing a child to go
TO DO
Be aware that there are probably people in your parish struggling to cope Considerwhat you can do to help
Find out how to recognise symptoms of neglect and abuse by checking Action for Children, NSPCC and Barnardo’s websites
hungry, not giving the child basic care such as clean clothes and hygiene, not looking after the child when they are ill, and leaving them alone when they are too young to care for themselves. A recent poll by Action for Children shows a quarter of adults in the UK have worried that a child they know may be neglected, but more than a third did not act on their concerns. It reports that at present 1.5 million children suffer neglect and, in 2008 in England alone, neglect was the sole reason for almost half the children on the child-protection register. Most families under great stress succeed in bringing up their children in a loving and supportive environment in which the children’s needs are met. However, the Safeguarding Children website says that, from the available research, there are many and complicated factors that may increase the likelihood of abuse in children’s lives. Only last month, the BBC reported that millions of children are at risk of neglect because of a parent’s drinking. It said that a body representing social workers suggested alcohol posed more problems than drugs. Parish communities are unique in our society, and the care and love we are asked to show for each other can be used to provide support and
information to those families who are on the edge of coping. Parenting courses can help deal with the “terrible twos” and the demands of young babies, as well as how to deal with demanding teenagers. These courses are not an attempt to tell parents the “right” way to treat their child. Instead, the classes can help tackle the issue of conflict between parents and their children and look at how this conflict can be managed to prevent bad behaviour and a violent response. Relationship counselling looks at the causes of breakdown and how to work together to keep a marriage strong. A Catholic slant to all classes and counselling can be helpful; the benefits of praying, both together and individually, can be highlighted. Parents can
Catholic parishes, as well as being where people come together publically to proclaim their faith, are unique social structures that can be harnessed to assist those in need of help in coping with the myriad stresses and strains that can threaten the stability of individuals next to us in the pews
explore ways of learning how to sacrifice their own desires to help keep the family strong. The Celebrating Family website, sup- ported by the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of England and Wales, has many helpful links and details of courses for Catholic couples struggling with their relationship. The fact is that pressures on life today are great, especially as we are entering an age of austerity and job losses. Add to that a baby who is not sleeping, a toddler who is having tantrums, difficult teenagers and other usual demands on family life, and it is easy to see how the pressures can be overwhelming. But there are ways that people in parishes can help relieve the pressure on parents. Parishes might suggest a babysitting rota to help give parents time on their own – even if it is just for a few hours a week. Poverty and child abuse are commonly asso- ciated; the St Vincent de Paul Society might provide information and ideas on how to help those families most in need. The symptoms of neglect and abuse, and how to recognise them, are listed on the websites of Action for Children, the NSPCC, Barnardo’s and other children’s charities. They include a child being withdrawn, sus- picious of adults, bullying others, lacking friends and having difficulty in forming rela- tionships. To help a parish understand the various forms of abuse, child-protection officers, social workers and medical profes- sionals can be asked to give talks on recognising the symptoms of abuse and what to do. The Catholic Church has rightly been
rocked to the core by the recent sex-abuse scandals and safeguarding is in place to ensure the young and vulnerable are safe from those in power in the Church. Parishes can now continue that work by helping struggling families who may be abusing their own children, by offering as much help and support as possible.
■Mary Colwell is a freelance producer; she won the Best Internet Audio award at the JerusalemAwards in October for her podcast on Baby P. For more information, visit her website:
www.curlewmedia.com or contact her by email:
marycolwell1@mac.com
13 November 2010 | THE TABLET | 17
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