At the chalkface

Pupil power, innit?

“SORRY, SIR, I won’t be in your lesson,” says the hooligan Lunk. I contain my disappointment. “Me neevah, sir!” yells

Decibelle. There is a God – of Small Mercies. Are Ofsted immi- nent? Again? These two are usual- ly disappeared on these occasions. They’re put on Hooligan Leave – or in a stockroom with Shaka. “You too Shaka? You out?’’ “No, sir. Shaka in!” I

contain my glee. So where are Sidney

and Decibelle going? Courtroom? Cop shop? External inclusion? Internal exclusion? Eloping? They keep canoodling in pastoral time. “Student Interview Panel, sir.” I spill coffee. “We’re checkin’ out

teachers. Interviewin’ them. We don’t want any old donuts – do we now, sir?” “Pupil power, innit?” I thought they had rather

an ample sufficiency of that. Sidney is a “lead consultant” and Decibelle a “student voice” – pre- sumably at volume 11. This Student Panel is a recent

wheeze. Is it a harbinger of Cameron’s Big Society? Dave’s Little Folk. Are they the new public sector vigilantes? Is your surgeon no good? Do it yourself with a penknife and mirror. Social worker rubbish? A bit soft with assassins? Sack her. Teacher an ageing donut? Sack him. And now this Tots’ Inquisition

– a sort of pedagogical X Factor – with questions like: do you like children? Crisps? Which flavour?

Man U? Some interviewees have been asked to sing a song – like Michael Jackson’s Bad. Rejections have been conse-

quent on the wrong haircut, shoes, football team or being too old, too fat or insufficiently “pretty” – or resembling Humpty Dumpty. Marvellous. I meet them afterwards. They

tell me how it went. Many didn’t cut it. Criteria were errat- ic. “One breh looked like a right donut!” “One had dandruff!” Others were too

soft, posh, old, weird, ugly or clever by ‘alf or resembled Donald Duck. And one supported Chelsea

(fair cop). I look at some of their

questions. Who do you sup- port? Correct answer: QPR/ Brentford. Dizzee Rascal or Fifty Cent? Gordon Brown or Pie Face? Got any GCSEs?

Are you a poof? Are you a paedo? Judgements were severe.

They seemed to be looking for a glamorous heterosexual borderline psychotic. That area. Two appointments were made.

A PE teacher who was “well fit with tats”. And an Art teacher who was, apparently, “da bomb”. Both were shiny, well fit, dead

young, really positive, terrifically caring and said that they really connected with the kids. Oo er! “Don’t fancy your chances, sir! Know what I’m sayin’?’’

• Ian Whitwham is a former teacher. A book of his best ever columns is out now. For details, email editor@sec-ed.co.uk

by Chris Parr

Politicians are used to being put through their paces by the media, but three unsuspecting MPs were last week grilled on their plans for global education by two school girls. Rhiannon Kurse-Edwards, 15,

and Ronan McKenzie, 14, pupils at Walthamstow School for Girls in London, met with representatives from all three major parties to find out how they intend to ensure every child in the world has access to a good education. It was all part of the 1GOAL

– Send My Friend campaign, a nationwide push to get schools across the UK to campaign on behalf of children around the world missing out on school. The girls asked a series of tough

questions to Mike Foster, minister for international trade and develop- ment, Geoffrey Clinton-Brown, the Conservative’s international devel- opment spokesman, and Malcolm Bruce, the Liberal Democrat chair of the International Development Select Committee. During the interviews, the girls

asked if the MPs thought it was pos- sible to get every child into school. Mr Bruce told them: “If you

really mean every child, I think the answer is no. There are some countries where frankly the rule of law doesn’t apply, where there is so much conflict, the government’s cor- rupt or incompetent or weak, that it will be difficult to get all of the chil- dren identified and put into school.” The other two politicians were

more optimistic. Mr Foster said: “It’s an enormously ambitious goal, but one I think most people in the

UK would agree is a desirable one. The big ask of

the international

development community over the next five years is to refocus our efforts and attention to achieve it.” Mr Clinton-Brown responded:

“We believe getting every child into school is incredibly important, and we believe that the process is some way off being met at the present time. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t strive to do everything we possibly can.” Rhiannon and Ronan told SecEd

they had been impressed by the answers given – although they felt Mr Bruce was being most honest. Rhiannon said: “We went to

Geoffrey Clinton-Brown first, and he seemed to be pushing the Conservative manifesto on us rather than just answering the questions. Mike Foster seemed genuine, but Malcolm Bruce came over as the

Grilling: (main image) Rhiannon (left) and Ronan outside the Houses of Parliament, and (from top) quizzing Malcolm Bruce, Geoffrey Clinton-Brown, and Mike Foster

most convincing – he was the only one who said it might not be pos- sible to hit the target. He seemed more realistic.” Ronan added: “We visited Ghana

recently, and found out about some of the reasons why some children can’t go to school. Even though education is free out there, there are lots of hidden costs such as paying for exams or school equipment. These costs can come to more than the average yearly pay.” For more on Send My Friend,

including lesson plans, visit www.sendmyfriend.org

School girls quiz MPs

News

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cause more pollution than automobiles do.”

Ronald Reagan

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