The
Legac
Hidden
y of Men
by Lon Rankin
Men are waking up in this country. Fueled by a
ing up to become abusive or absent
fathers. That absent father, who is
groundswell of issues, we are becoming aware as a
unable to meet the mother’s need for
emotional connection, was once a son
gender that we must come to terms with our own who formed an aversion to his incest-
masculinity. More than ever before, men are attend-
ing mother. We are traumatized and
relationally neutered from this incest
ing self-help workshops, joining men’s groups, and
with the resulting, usually uncon-
scious, rage or distancing (fight or
becoming involved in their community. flight), and it continues to fly under the
radar in our society. It is estimated that
A
s we do this, we become increasing cognizant of the host of challenges 80 percent of men in America bear the
in being a man in twenty-first century America. Three of these challenges invisible scars of this abuse.
are primary–emotional incest, privilege, and trauma. We must deal with
these if we are to repair our individual lives, relationships and society.
Privilege
Having been effectively trained as
Emotional Incest
caretakers, men feel disempowered
Men are more likely to perpetrate physically, while women are more likely to in our society. This is ironic, given the
perpetrate emotionally, though this is not always the case. Emotional incest oc- myth of male privilege. Actually the
curs when mothers are starved for emotional intimacy, the father is emotionally assertiveness and domination of men
unavailable, and the natural stage of mother-child bonding erodes to that child comes from a sense of inadequacy,
becoming a caretaker for the emotionally starved mother. These survivors of in- and is well detailed in feminist Su-
cest then grow up to be the dysfunctional parents of future incest victims. san Faludi’s excellent book, Stiffed:
This problem is a primary factor in men’s dysfunction and in boys grow- The Betrayal of the American Man.
24 Northern & Central New Mexico
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