and finally... Venturing into the gladiators’ arena


Chris Proctor gets confrontational


I


was woken the other morning by a loud argument. This is not unprecedented in our block of flats, but the dispute was on the radio. Nick Robinson was doing battle with Michael Gove.


They were arguing about whose turn it was. Robinson was outraged. “You keep talking over me,”


he wailed, which did appear a trifle pot-black-kettle- calling. Saddened, he declared that, in the old days, the system was that the interviewer asked a question and then the guest replied. Actually, that hasn’t been true since television went colour and wirelesses stopped needing valves. Before then, you can find BBC folk introducing the prime minister with the words, “so what do you have to tell us, prime minister?”, remaining mute until the premier concluded his words of wisdom and then thanking him for coming. Modern, thrusting interviewers take a different approach. The greeting has become a thinly disguised, “So what are you lying to us about today, you snivelling untrustworthy little hypocrite?” A few moments are allowed for the interviewee to


clear her throat before the derisive snorts come. “So where are you going to find the money?” “Two sources: an increase in …” “And how are you going to pay for it?” “We have planned …” “If you’re not going to answer a direct question,


why did you bother to come onto the programme?” “You asked me.” “There’s always someone to blame, isn’t there? All


right, you’ve got six seconds remaining. Can you explain the government’s fiscal policies, outline your approach to religious bigotry and comment on the expanding universe theory?” “I think it might take a bit longer …” “I wanted a straight ‘yes’ or ‘no’, but we’re getting


nowhere. I’ll have to cut you off there while we move on to a story about a five-legged dachshund with bunions.” Andrew Marr went a step further when he was


chatting to Shami Chakrabarti and she said she didn’t know if he was a democrat. “Don’t try and patronise me,” he snapped,


headmasterishly. The baroness assured him of two


things: “I certainly wouldn’t try to patronise you, and I’m sure you would never try and patronise me.” They both nodded. And their noses grew longer. Probing interview questions have included Eddie Mair asking Boris Johnson, “You’re a nasty piece of work, aren’t you?’ which, I have to concede – despite where my sympathies lie – is a tough one to answer. Then Andrew Neil came up with the innovation of continuing the argument long after the red light has gone out. After coming second in a discussion with journalist Carole Cadwalladr, he tweeted that she was ‘a mad cat woman’. Which she is not. I hold no brief for moderation or decency but, on a practical basis, if you start being aggressive towards an interviewee, you get nothing out of them. They don’t like you, so they shut up. Better to be polite – until your last question at least. It’s no good pretending to be pally, which both


sides do, calling tormentors by their first names. Heretics facing Inquisitor Torquemada didn’t start with, “Well, Tommy …” Mind you, speech is at a premium when you’re hanging upside down with your head in a bucket. Alternatively, we could all adopt the ‘shouty shouty’’ model. Leaving pen and pad in the changing room, we could square up to an interviewee and slog out the truth in the ring or the alley at the side of the studio. It would require a different set of qualities, with physical presence taking precedence over sharp intellect. Many interviewers would have to go, but the likes of Jon Snow, with his long reach, and Jeremy Paxman, with his ferocious appearance, would be OK. I can see an opening for Joey Barton on Newsnight. Liam Gallagher could be worth considering for Drivetime unless Sara Cox could pick up nutting people. My favoured option is to employ NUJ members, ideally mothers of chapel, to take on formal refereeing roles during interviews. Such an innovation has the potential to please the public, boost numbers and present the viewer with the vision of our Michelle sitting between Robinson and Gove, blowing a whistle,, card- waving, finger-wagging and calling for video- assistant referee replays. That is something that I’d get out of bed for..


26 | theJournalist


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