What is so hard about leaving?


To help potential volunteers at the shelter gain understanding, we asked them to go through an ex- ercise. We had all had spent the day together and had built a kind of camaraderie. We had told our own stories and knew the reasons we were invested in helping victims. We felt a bond.


It might be interesting for you to actually try the exercise while reading.


“First, write down the three most valuable things in your life. Put them on three separate pieces of paper. It could be your faith. It could be a child or a pet. It could be your integrity or your honesty. It could be a partner or spouse. But it has to be your top three.”


And we would wait a few minutes….“Now, imagine that you are on a boat, with all the other peo- ple sitting in this room. You have been told it is a safe boat, and you are traveling a long way. So you have three pieces of luggage with you - symbolized by those three pieces of paper in your hands.”


“But the boat is in trouble. It is too heavy. Not everyone will survive - unless you throw one piece of luggage overboard.”


Some people would gasp. Some might smile a little nervously. “So please fold up one piece of paper, and throw it away.”


Different things might happen. Sometimes all would be able to throw at least one piece away. Sometimes, someone would refuse.


“Remember, you will be responsible for all these people losing their life - if you don’t throw a piece of luggage overboard.”


When we repeated the same instructions - but for the second piece of luggage - there was usually out and out mutiny. By the third? Tears. Shock. Demoralization. Rage. Submission. And this was a conceptual, guided visualization. Not real life.


Victims fear that they will lose things that are very dear to them, maybe even intrinsic to who they are - and for what? Will their lives really be different? Or worse? Their emotions run deep as they consider how or when. They have been told, over and over, that they are at fault. They are ashamed they didn’t leave the first time the abuse happened. Or the second. Or the third. And if they go, they will feel responsible for everyone’s life changing. Even the life of their perpetrator, whom they often still love. They know that the abuser may escalate if they leave, and become more vio- lent toward the victim, or toward themselves. They may have acted as a protector or a buffer for the children. What’s going to happen if a divorce occurs, and they aren’t there to protect the kids?


Some of you who are reading this are in emotionally or physically abusive relationships. If you are, please consider that there is another way to live.


It is possible...But it’s far, far from easy. Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com


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