HEALTH
RICHARD BERCUSON
LOOKING good/FEELING good What are we prepared to do?
Comedian Billy Crystal’s TV character
Fernando wisely suggested, “Friends, remember: it is better to look good than to feel good.”
Why not both? Let’s face it, guys. We’re
at the stage when we have a pretty good handle on what life holds for us. We certainly thought we knew it as
teenagers. We’d be forever slim. We’d never learn the word “paunch” because the garbage we ingested daily would be instantly turned to
fuel for various basically stupid activities. Our features would always be attractive, and even when they weren’t, we believed they were. Then suddenly an unknown force
pushed the fast-forward button, and here we are. Paunch does exist. (The word is often preceded by “slight” or “prominent.”) Our garbage intake leads us straight to the couch. Today’s stupid activities include installing toilets ourselves or clearing ice off the roof without a tether. We’re attractive to maybe one person − and only in the dark. We’d like to think looking good will
help, but nothing short of torturous boot camp workouts or plastic surgery will make a difference. “Mr. Bercuson, it will take a few
surgeries, but we can make you look like George Clooney.” “Well, doctor, I’d prefer Woody Allen.” “You realize he’s a darn sight older.” “True, but I’d get better tables at all the
good restaurants in Manhattan.” So which is it? Look good or feel good?
A terrible dilemma fraught with pricey, time- consuming or even risky answers. Consider a recent newspaper ad that
promised I could look AND feel my best at any age. I choose 27; however, that might be a stretch. The ad tells me I can have a free consultation, which is when I’ll ask: If 27 isn’t possible, what about 38? And: I’ll even settle for 44. Since the ad sort of promises the best of both worlds, I figured this was something worth checking out. All I’d have to do is sign up for the
company’s “minimally invasive options.” Full stop. To me, “minimally invasive”
8 BOUNDER MAGAZINE
continued on page 32
www.bounder.ca
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