WORKPLACE COLLABORATION
have witnessed behaviors objectively, assessed the situation without judging or making assumptions and determined your information gaps. You now have a starting point from which to uncover the root causes for Sam’s inattentiveness and the friction between Joe and Mike. At some point, you will need to discuss Sam’s actions (or lack of actions) with him, and hear both Joe’s and Mike’s stories. Before you do, you need to apply the situation awareness techniques to yourself: • Know what words or actions will cause you to feel anger (rolling of the eyes, mumbling, looking down) and be prepared to counter-act your feelings.
• Be alert to any changes in their attitude, body language or voice (tone, pitch and volume). Was it a particular word they reacted to, or the entire question or statement?
• Listen to the words the other person uses and note what they do not say. Do they actually answer your question? Do they simply speak words that might sound like an answer but don’t give you the information you need?
• You might feel your defenses rising or feel yourself getting impatient; however, you should generally not show these feelings.
You will need to search mentally (and direct all your energies towards listening to what they are saying and what
they are not saying) to determine what beliefs or opinions they have that you need to be aware of and help them work through. You need to know what they are thinking and why. It is the why that is important to your understanding and helping them resolve the issue. Your best course of action is to ask questions (to regain
your own emotional footing) and let them talk. Somewhere in their responses will be what is truly bothering them. Remember TEA: their thoughts influence their emotions that control their attitudes and actions. Your thoughts influence your emotions that control your attitudes and actions. Thoughts such as, “My job is on the line,” “I don’t want to be seen as weak,” or “I made a huge mistake” can cause (emotions of) defensiveness, desperation or despair. This, in turn, can manifest itself in actions such as yelling and pointing fingers, stubbornly refusing to share details of the issue and assuring you they can handle it, or a bowed head and speaking softly. Take special note of what questions or words change his behavior. What did you say that caused him to shift in his seat? Did he divert his eyes from looking at or around you to the floor? What caused him to frown or appear deep in thought? These are signs you are close to the truth. Continue to ask non-threatening questions and allow him to talk.
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