viewpoint Attitudes limit men’s access to family life, says Jeremy Bowden


Gender equality lags behind in parenting


I


have been a lone parent since 2008 when my son was two, and a successful freelance journalist for the past


eight years. The childcare commitment has made some aspects of journalism tricky, including conferences and trips of any length, restricting me largely to home-based work. But the job is flexible enough to work around school runs and events, sleepovers and illnesses, and the combination provides for a balanced and contented life. One thing that has struck me is the under-representation of men in the parenting world. My peer group is almost entirely women, especially in the single parent category. I know of only four other male primary carers or lone parents. Our local single parent group was almost exclusively female, as were the fitness classes during the day at the gym – quite a shock for me as my full-time newsroom environments (in London and Singapore) had been balanced. There are many reasons for the under-representation. A lot of it is down to beliefs (and consequent unsuitability) on the part of some men, and because pregnancy and childbirth make mum the default carer. But much is also due to conditioning, including the lack of representation of men in the media and society as primary carers of children, which leaves many feeling work is their only option, and that they should go if a partnership breaks down. Then there is discrimination. In the


workplace, this traditionally made women the lower earners, so they take the childcare role for financial reasons. There is also discrimination against men in the family courts, where the tendency had always been to put the kids with the mother (less so today).


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The lack of representation of men in the media as primary childcarers leaves many feeling that they should go if the partnership breaks down


The consequences include a lack of real choice for men in their lives, and a wider gender pay gap – if women take more time off to look after the kids than men, their pay suffers. However, my pay has probably been hit too, suggesting this element of the gap is more an issue of role than gender. If more men were primary childcarers, it would help narrow the gender pay gap, as well as improve men’s access to family life. The first thing that needs to change is media portrayal. Just as successful female workplace role models and representation in the media are important, so male representation is key to encouraging men to opt for childcare roles. Showing these roles as exclusively female is little different from portraying boardrooms as exclusively male – something that unacceptable today, and rightly so. Gender stereotyping the home role is as bad as doing so in the workplace – it reinforces social conditioning. Caring for children needs to be portrayed as inclusive to men at least (apart from pregnancy and birth), and perhaps should be aimed at men if we want a more equal society. But on its own that won’t be enough. There also needs to be equality of opportunity to be primary childcarers, which doesn’t exist now. Obviously, men cannot get pregnant, so it is difficult to ensure this equality – if I’d been a woman, I would have had another baby a few years ago, whether or not I’d met


the right person. That choice is not open to men. Most male primary childcarers are in


the role because their partner died or is unable to do it, and not through choice. It is still difficult to find a woman (outside London at least) who is willing to hand over the domestic reins to her partner, partly because she too has been conditioned – although this is changing. In family courts, too, judges should aim to bring the custody award balance up to 50:50. Action is needed to address men’s under-representation in primary childcare roles. We need positive male role models, inclusivity in media representation and greater equality of opportunity – parenting is where the greatest gender inequality lies in the UK. This is essential if we are to give men the choices women already enjoy and help tackle the gender pay gap.


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