16.04.15 www.thebookseller.com


BENT’S NOTES AT THE LONDON BOOK FAIR 2015


21 Crystal clear at Canongate


The Bookseller’s legendary diarist Horace Bent goes undercover to secure his first big story from LBF ’15—but is it all a bunch of poppycock?


I


f you have wandered by the Canongate stand this week, you may have noticed a loitering


mass of furtive-looking folk (aside from the usual courtiers trying to touch the hem of Lord Byng’s Nehru jacket).


I sensed something


sinister afoot, so I went undercover. Disguised in an expensive suit and a spray tan, with a smear of Sex Panther behind the ears, I crept onto the Bonnier stand opposite. I blended in perfectly— too perfectly: people kept asking if


I was Richard Johnson. I soon discovered a trade of illicit goods masterminded by Francis “Heisenberg” Bickmore. Yes, he was dealing poppy, the stuff that makes H, Charlie, Mother Opium . . . and the lovely bagel topping. Turns out Bickmore was actually giving out poppy-seed packs to promote Scarlett Thomas’ The Seed Collector. My call to LBF’s crack drug-enforcement


team (Jacks Thomas and Orna O’Brien came running, armed with Glocks and sniffer dogs) may have


been . . . premature. A hasty retreat to the Conference Room for the LBF International Excellence Awards, a


spectacular ceremony for


one reason: very few speeches. Your name is announced, you get your award, a quick snap with the likes of Christopher MacLehose or David Roche (or Peter The Bookseller often mixes up the t and you’re out. Brilliant. They do let the LBF


yg


p with the acLehose er, The


up the two)


Lifetime Achievement Award winner speak.


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These speeches have often been a bit meandering, but this year the gloriously funny Peter Usborne


remarked: “Here I am, rising 78 and the awards


The secret: live past 76 and no one gets jealous.”


and no one gets jealous 


start to come down like snow. p


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