Parenting
What To Do If You Think Your Child Is Being Bullied
by Kate Duggan
While we all like to think that our child will tell us if something is wrong, there are lots of reasons they might keep quiet about being bullied. They may feel ashamed, or worried that you’ll be disappointed in them. They may have been threated to keep quiet. Or they could be concerned about what you’ll do. You can’t rely on your child to tell you in words what’s happening, but you can look for any signs, such as:
• A reluctance to attend school.
• Acting more withdrawn, anxious or moody.
• Clothing becoming torn or dirty more frequently.
• Items going missing.
• An increase in bruises or scratches.
The above signs may not indicate bullying. But if you are concerned, talk to your child. Try to choose a time when neither of you need to do anything else, when you’re both well-rested, well-fed and in a good mood. Your child may find it easier if just one parent talks to them to start with, so they don’t feel outnumbered.
What should I do?
The key thing is to listen to your child, take their concerns seriously and make sure they know the bullying is not their
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fault. Comments such as ‘You need to learn to stand up for yourself,’ will not help your child, but may mean they don’t trust you to help them in the future. Your child also shouldn’t be expected to change their appearance, hobbies or interests to placate a bully.
It’s certainly tempting to go into the school ‘all guns blazing’. You will need to speak to the school, but try to do it calmly and in private. Speak to your child’s teacher or form tutor first, but if you’re not happy with the response make an appointment with the head of year or headmaster. You’ll want to be able to give details of the bullying, ideally including times, dates and names, if your child will provide them. All schools should have an anti- bullying policy, so ask to see it. You may want to ask for a written response, detailing how the school plans to address the bullying.
Most schools should work with you to improve the situation, but if you don’t feel that your concerns are being taken seriously, you may need to take the matter further, to the Chair of Governors, or the police.
What if my child is being bullied through their phone?
Home should be a safe haven, but with the advent of mobile phones and social media, bullying can go on around the clock. Cyber-bullying includes texts and phone calls, the sharing of photos, social media comments and more. It’s best not to respond to any messages, but do save them, or take screenshots as proof. Your child could block the number of the bully, and unfollow or unfriend them. You can also speak to the phone service provider’s malicious calls team, or the social network itself. If the bullying is being done by someone at your child’s school, make an appointment to speak to a teacher. The school should be able to offer support, even when the bullying is taking place off school grounds. Threats of violence may need reporting to the police.
Where can I go for advice? There are several websites and helplines that can offer both you and your child support and advice. These include:
www.bullying.co.uk 0808 800 2222
www.childline.org.uk 0800 1111
www.bullybusters.org.uk 0800 169 6928
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www.cr5.co.uk your local community website!
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