How Can You Help?


That‟s a great question. You might start by taking this short quiz to see how willing and ready you are to help. If you score well, fantastic—you may be ready to extend a hand now. If you don‟t score well, that‟s okay because here are some ideas and resources that will help you better prepare:


Trust your instincts. “If something doesn‟t feel right or look right, get some help.”


Help your friend find their voice. “Try saying, „I care for you too much to let this happen. Who can I contact?‟” she recommends. Even if your friend says that everything is okay, if you‟re worried, talk about your concerns.


Turn to a trusted adult for assistance. In an ideal situation, you would turn to your friend‟s parents first. But that‟s not always possible. You may worry that you would be betraying your friend.


“Dating violence is tough because when young kids aren‟t really allowed to start dating they start keeping secrets from their parents,” Bernstein says. Then when they are facing violence they are afraid to seek help because the relationship wasn‟t supposed to be happening in the first place. They don‟t want to get into trouble.


And sometimes, your friend‟s parents might not be reliable. A parent who is abused may believe that the abuse is no big deal and fail to provide assistance. If you have reason to believe your friend‟s parents can‟t or won‟t be helpful, turn to another adult.


For instance, you can also talk to guidance counselors, school psychologists or a domestic violence advocate about your concerns—those are people who are clinically trained in how best to address these issues. An excellent resource is loveisrespect.org, which offers a helpline staffed with trained advocates at 866-331-9474; you can also text “loveis” to 22522 for help.


Whatever you do, keep in mind that the majority of people who experience relationship violence first experience abuse before the age of 24. If you are concerned about a friend, don‟t just hope things get better; do what you can to help. Most teenage survivors of dating abuse will later advise others that they wished they had known better how to recognize the abuse and escape it sooner.


About Domestic Shelters 11 PHF MAGAZINE


We make finding the right shelter and information about domestic violence easier. Instead of searching the Internet, it is all right here. We’ve painstakingly verified information on shelters in LA to shelters in NY, and every domestic violence program in between. If you or a friend is suffering from physical abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse or verbal abuse, this free service can help. Select domestic violence programs based on location, service and language needs. Find 24-hour hotlines in your area, service listings, and helpful articles on domestic violence statistics, signs and cycles of abuse, housing services, emergency services, legal and financial services, support groups for women, children and families, and more.


3.3 Million: Estimated number of children in the U.S. each year that witness violence against their mother or female caretaker by a family member.


40-60: Percentage of men who abuse women who also abuse children.


1 in 5: Number of teenage girls who said they have been in a relationship where the boyfriend threatened violence or self-harm if a breakup was to occur.


90-95: Percentage of domestic violence victims who are women.


175,000: Number of workdays American employees miss each year on account of domestic violence.


40-70: Percentage of female murder victims in the U.S. who were killed by their husbands or boyfriends, often within an ongoing abusive relationship.


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