Children Exposed to DV continued...


Depending upon their age, children may re- spond to their experience of abuse in a variety of ways.


Theymay:


 Experience confusion and damage to their ability to trust the people in their lives.


 Worry about the future, or feel anxiety over never knowing what is coming next.


 Side with the abusive partner in order to stay safe, recognizing where the power lies in the family.


 Try to protect the abused parent, even to the point of physically coming between the adults.


 Have a difficult time focusing at school because they are worried about what is happening at home.


 Have an impulse to get away because home feels like a dangerous place.


 Feel guilty, or believe that the abuse is their fault.


 Experiment with alcohol, drugs, overeating, or self-harm to numb their feelings.


Children who have experienced abuse need support.


Non-offending parents can help their children by being honest with them, and tell them that the abuse is not their fault.


As parents seek support for themselves, they can also explore resources that will specifically support the children. Involv- ing other caring adults can sometimes be helpful; whether they are living with the abuser or have left, these parents are usu- ally working through many difficult issues all at once as they seek to establish and maintain safety for themselves and their children.


Some tips for responding to children who have experienced domestic violence:


 Tell them it’s not their fault.


 Help them think of a safe place. What do they do/where do they go when the fighting happens?


 Be sure they know it’s not safe to try to stop the fighting, even though they might want to.


 Ask if they have access to a phone and do they know how to call 911? Ask if they feel safe calling 911 if needed. If not, ask who they can call or what they can do instead.


 Try not to pass judgment on the abuser; kids often love the person who’s doing the hurting.


 It may help to ask if the person doing the hurting also hurts anyone else in the family.


 Ask if there someone they can talk to about the problem if they need to, such as a teacher, the other parent, a care- giver, counselor, etc.


 Tell them they are not alone.


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