PACEMAKER - TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 2014


HUMOUR


“No Sir, I said your wife has acute angina” The lighter side of medicine


By Connor McLaughlin The Darwin Awards - Commemorat- ing the chlorination of the gene pool. Throughout human history, there have been a fair few fatally stupid de- cisions. The Darwin Awards were set up nearly 30 years ago to celebrate the most stylish and stupendous acts of stupidity. You may never have heard of them, but try not to win one. Often posthumous and always amusing, the Darwin Awards are a tongue-in-cheek nod to those who have ended up self-selecting them- selves out of the gene pool. By either killing or sterilising themselves, the winners have prevented evolution from heading in reverse. Here are a few highlights of the last 30 years of human idiocy: Mithra-dolt-ism: Mithraditism is


the practice of gradually ingesting in- creasing amounts of a poison in an at-


tempt to protect your body against it. The practice is named after King Mithradites VI, who began taking small amounts of poisonous foxglove after relatives were maliciously poi- soned to death by it. However, after being captured by


enemies, he attempted to save face by committing an honourable suicide. Of course, the only poison to hand was foxglove, which – despite a heroic dose – was only enough to weaken him to the point where he was not strong enough to kill himself with a sword. His captors were far from sympathetic upon reaching him. Orange you glad it wasn’t you?:


In an effort to demonstrate the ben- efits of his health-conscious, carrot- intensive diet, Basil Brown consumed over 10 gallons of carrot juice in just 10 days. He promptly died of a vita- min A overdose, proving that you can


The Ig Nobel Prizes


By Will Tsang The IgNobel prizes


are due to


be awarded on the 18th September 2014. If you haven’t heard of them, you should have. In the society’s own words, they are awarded each year to researchers who first make you laugh, and then make you think. There are prizes for a wide range of fields in- cluding


medicine and psychology.


They have been running since 1991, and in the run up to the 2014 edition here are but a few examples of their brilliance. 2011 Psychology prize


Awarded for: “No evidence of contagious yawning in the red-footed tortoise Geochelone Carbonaria,” by A Wilkinson, Sebanz N, I Mandel and L Huber. Contagious yawning is sometimes thought to be an act of un- conscious social empathy and mim- icry. Rather than dispel the idea of contagious yawning, the report states yawning did not occur because of the red-footed tortoise’s lack of empathy. 1996 Medicine prize


Awarded for: “Nicotine is not ad-


dictive,” as asserted to Congress by James Johnston of R.J. Reynolds, Jo- seph Taddeo of U.S. Tobacco, Andrew Tisch of Lorillard, William Campbell


of Philip Morris, Edward A. Horrigan of Liggett Group, Donald S. John- ston of American Tobacco Company, and the late Thomas E. Sandefur, Jr., chairman of Brown and Williamson Tobacco Co.


While the scruples of the people


involved may well be questioned, it would seem that there might not be smoke without fire. There are distinc- tions between psychological addic- tion and physical addiction but the assertion that nicotine is not addictive is clearly breaking the camel’s back. 2004 Public Health prize


Awarded for: “The scientific valid-


ity of the 5 second rule.” Researchers found that Salmonella Typhimurium can survive for up to 4 weeks on dry surfaces in enough quantities to con- taminate food dropped onto the floor, with no difference between 2 and 6 seconds. The actual prize went to Jillian


Clarke of Illinois University for her work showing that the 5 second rule is the way that most people make de- cisions about whether or not to eat dropped food. Unsurprisingly broc- coli and cauliflower were less like- ly to be picked up than sweets and crisps. Food for thought indeed.


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have too much of a good thing. Sucks to be you: In 1998, a 51 y/o male from New Jersey, USA, had been feeling increasingly lonely, and eventually resorted to the cold, robot- ic touch of his Hoover. With the overflow of dating sites nowadays, it might be easy to scoff at his bionic lust, but the 90s were a


1994 Medicine prize Awarded to: a) Patient X, who at-


tempted electroshock therapy on him- self after suffering a bite from his pet rattlesnake. He did so by attaching sparkplugs


from his car to his lip and revving the engine to 3000rpm.


b) Drs R Dart and R Gustafson for


their shocking report entitled, “Fail- ure of Electric Shock Treatment for Rattlesnake Envenomation.” 2000 Psychology Prize


Awarded for: “Unskilled and Una- ware of it: How Difficulties in Rec-


A) Money for tent


Phonetically shares his name with the first anti-slavery American presidential candidate (pictured on right)


B) Could fire God Education and fashion icon INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE OF THE MONTH


“You will have to learn many tedious things…which you will forget the mo- ment you have passed your final examination, but in anatomy it is better to have learnt and lost than never to have learned at all.” - William Somerset Maugham (1874 – 1965)


of Human Bondage, Chapter 54, Advice to first year medical students


difficult time. However, having not realised that the suction he so desper- ately craved was created by a whir- ring blade inside the vacuum cleaner, his member was promptly separated from him. Despite the best efforts of surgeons he was no longer able to pass on his genes.


ognising One’s Own Incompetence Lead to Inflated Self-Assessments,” by David Dunning and Justin Kruger. People who were placed in the 12th percentile for tests on humour, logic and grammar believed themselves to be in the 62nd percentile. As their skills improved with train- ing, the estimated level decreased. Hopefully this principle will also ap- ply to yours truly. So there we have it, arguably the most important developments in re- cent scientific history. May they in- spire us all to greatness.


MMS Anagrams


ANAGRAM ANSWERS: A) TONY FREEMONT, B) DOUG CORFIELD


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