F e a t u r e s
When it All Goes Wrong
A Service Wife explains how SSAFA-FH helped when the relationship hit the rocks
I
met my husband in Germany and fell for him straight away. I fell pregnant shortly aſter my husband proposed to me and due to his posting back to the UK, I came with him.
My first year was spent living with my husband’s parents. His mother was very unfriendly and after a short time started to bully me. When my son was born my husband had R & R from his Iraq tour, and things went from bad to worse, I wasn’t allowed to cuddle my child, breastfeed or just love my son in a motherly way.
This became a big problem for me as I couldn’t bond with my child and after going through heavy postnatal depression my mother-in-law still didn’t allow me to seek help. Eventually I managed to get help by calling a doctor secretly to the house and then after three more months we finally transferred to a quarter in Wiltshire.
I was so happy. Finally I thought I could live a normal life with my family, but things took a turn for the worse and my husband started turning into someone else. He started to drink heavily on a regular basis and became very depressed and it got harder and harder for me to cope.
After some time he completely lost control and attempted to commit suicide, I was horrified and told him he needed to get help with his problem. He got admitted to the hospital and after just two weeks was able to discharge himself. Once he got back home, within no time at all he was back to his old ways, drinking, cutting himself, and self harming, After four more suicide attempts and being unfaithful in our marriage I couldn’t take it anymore, I asked for a separation.
I was gutted, all alone in a different country with a young child. I didn’t know what to do and where to turn. I was very lucky and glad to have the help from the Service who referred me to Gildea House run by SSAFA. I finally moved in here but was so worried and scared to move
12 Winter 2008
because I had heard so much about hostels and most of it wasn’t very positive.
When I arrived at Gildea House I was so surprised, what a nice place it was. The manager showed me around and I saw how well looked after the place was and how new everything is. I felt very comfortable and welcome here. When I saw my room I was even more surprised, I had my own little flat, with a room for Josh, a room for me and a toilet with a bath, so much better than I imagined.
That first night it just hit me, my marriage was really over, and the dream of my little family would be completely put on hold. The next day I went to the office and they helped me straight away with filling in the relevant forms for all my benefits. I had to fight to get the right to claim Income Support, involving a solicitor, so things weren’t getting any easier.
Everything I applied for with the help of the office got rejected on the grounds that I am not a UK National and haven’t got the right to reside in the UK. Moving home wasn’t an option, as my husband wouldn’t give permission for me to leave the country with our son. My husband never had a good relationship with our child and still hasn’t made any attempts to come and visit or pay any money, I wasn’t too worried about that at first as I had bigger problems, I needed to get some money for rent, food and clothing, everyday expenses as well.
That was where the staff at Gildea stepped in, they filled out a form and with the help of the welfare team, they raised some funds to pay my rent and buy food, whilst I was waiting on the benefit decision. Finally after four months, I was accepted for jobseekers allowance, which meant I had to be actively seeking for work, which I was quiet happy to do.
I started to worry about what would of happened if I wasn’t living at Gildea, where
would we go if we needed help? I was thinking about everything that had happened with my husband and it just got me down all the time.
So the office helped me with finding a place for counselling and I have to say it went really well, although I got worse before I got better. I was so insecure and not confident at all, but every time I needed advice or help I was able to go in the office and speak to the staff.
They have helped me with emotional support and helped me with a roof over my head, made sure I am be able to pay my rent and I am able to feed my child and myself.
The staff even helped me with my CV and since then, got me through my divorce and at the moment, through the court case against my ex husband, to enable me to go home and take my son with me. I wouldn’t know how I would have survived without the opportunity I have been given here.
We are safe here, not alone and looked after, we feel welcome and not pushed away in any way. Coming here and living here has been so positive and surprised me and I am grateful everyday for all that the staff have done for me.
I will not ever be able to express my gratefulness enough in simple words.
Stepping Stone Homes can offer hope to those who need a fresh start in life or just a safe haven to contemplate their future away from outside pressure within their lives.
For more information contact: SSAFA Forces Help, 19 Queen Elizabeth Street, London, SE1 2LP Tel: +44(0)207 463 9217 or 9287 Fax: +44(0)207 403 8815 Email:
housing@ssafa.org.uk or gildea@ssafa.
org.uk or
longside@ssafa.org.uk
www.raf-families-federation.org.uk
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