You CANNOT be serious! The not so serious side of the industry


Some of our research for the magazine is conducted over the internet. Just type in a groundsman’s or greenkeeper’s name and, voila, all the info you could need. And more! Somehow I don’t think the following are actually all moonlighting but ...


Did you know that


KEITH KENT is a successful author of religious titles. Some of his published work include ‘Finding personal meaning in a crazy world’ and ‘Jesus did it anyway - the paradoxical commandments’.


MICK HUNT is the chairman of the ASHP Foundation in Missouri who foster safe and effective medication use.


DAVE ROBERTS, from Austin, Texas is a ‘voice-over’ expert for TV and radio commercials.


STEVE ROUSE is a Director of Music at Louisville State University.


EDDIE (Lockjaw) SEEWARD is a blues musician from the ’50’s. Spookily his best known track is ‘Digging a hole’


STEVE BRADDOCK is a Director of the Florida Keys Outreach Coalition who specialise in low income housing.


PETER CRAIG is another succesful author. Humorous adventure apparently. Titles include Southbound and Blood Fathers.


ANTHONY ASQUITH is a British film director whose major works include ‘The Winslow Boy’ and, er, ‘Fanny by Gaslight’.


GORDON MOIR is co-author of ‘Megalithic science and some Scottish site plans. And who’s the other author? RAY NORRIS, who himself is the head groundsman at Clayesmore School in Dorset


DAVE SALTMAN is a Mildred Caldwell and Baine Perkins Kerr Centennial Professor (phew) specialising in Algebra and Division Algebras.


LAURENCE GALE is a former President of Cryonics Research in the USA.... that’s freezing people to bring them back to life later - if only!


Big Pussy in Scotland


GREENKEEPERS in Fife have more than fox and rabbit scrapings to worry about. A huge cat, dubbed the Beast of Balbirnie, is prowling a public area of woodland. Two greenkeepers at the local golf club watched a large black animal sunning itself on a grassy bank for over an hour. Police are hunting the massive feline after a pawprint measuring 4in by


64


3.5in backed up numerous sightings by walkers in the area. They believe the beast, which is described as taller than a labrador and twice the length, could be a puma or leopard. Big cat expert George


Redpath said yesterday there had been more than 30 sightings in Fife in the last year alone. This figure, he said, did not include hoaxes and those made by callers who appeared to be drunk.


I know we did a similar thing in the last issue but these are just too good to go unpublished.


Double Entendres


Weightlifting commentator: “This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.”


Dressage commentator: “This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.”


“What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?" James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix


“She comes from a tennis playing family. Her father’s a dentist!” BBC commentator at Wimbledon - John Lloyd we think


“Ritchie has now scored eleven goals - exactly double last year’s tally.” Alan Parry


“Oh, and here comes Caddick to bowl from the pavilion end again...well, I don’t suppose he’ll mind if I read the scores between his balls.” Henry Blofeld


“The breeze is getting up and we can just about see Umpire Shepherd’s trousers filling up with wind.” Jonathan Agnew


“I’m not going to make it a target but it’s something to aim for”


Steve Coppell


Caddies say ... the most hurtful (truthful) things


Golfer: “Think I’m going to drown myself in the lake.” Caddy: “Think you can keep your head down that long?”


Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.” Caddy: “Try heaven sir, you’ve already moved most of the earth.”


Golfer: “Do you think my game is improving?” Caddy: “Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.”


Golfer: “Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?” Caddy: “Eventually sir.”


Golfer: “How do you like my game?” Caddy: “Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf.”


Golfer: “Do you think it’s a sin to play on Sunday?” Caddy: “The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day.”


Golfer: “You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world.” Caddy: “I don’t think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence.”


Golfer: “This is the worst course I’ve ever played on.” Caddy: “This isn’t the golf course. We left that an hour ago.”


Golfer: “That can’t be my ball, it’s too old.” Caddy: “It’s been a long time since we teed off, sir.”


Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32  |  Page 33  |  Page 34  |  Page 35  |  Page 36  |  Page 37  |  Page 38  |  Page 39  |  Page 40  |  Page 41  |  Page 42  |  Page 43  |  Page 44  |  Page 45  |  Page 46  |  Page 47  |  Page 48  |  Page 49  |  Page 50  |  Page 51  |  Page 52  |  Page 53  |  Page 54  |  Page 55  |  Page 56  |  Page 57  |  Page 58  |  Page 59  |  Page 60  |  Page 61  |  Page 62  |  Page 63  |  Page 64  |  Page 65  |  Page 66  |  Page 67  |  Page 68