There had been little available except for daytime classes.
“Great! Now I need to find daycare again,” I remember thinking. The mere thought inflicted wounds on my
soul as I relived images of my daughter last time I had been in school, clawing at the doorposts, thrashing
wildly and screaming each morning when we arrived at her daycare. It was agonizing. I used to drop her off
in the morning and spend the next 15 minutes in the hallway wondering what was wrong with me, if I should
rush in and rescue my child. There had been days when I felt so paralyzed standing there, not knowing what
to do. Her teachers had reassured me that as soon as I left she was generally fine.
Fortunately, this semester started off much better. She was put in a room with a teacher she had had
previously, and that small bit of familiarity made such a difference. Granted, she still cried during naptime
the first few weeks, but the teacher was accommodating, allowing her a bear or a book, as long as she sat
quietly. Her teachers would leave pictures for me in her cubby, of her on the slide, or painting or playing with
blocks. Even still, I question whether I made the right decision to go back so soon.
She still asks me if she can stay home in the mornings, and I smile at her and tell her, “next week.” Yes, next
week, we will take a long nap, and maybe my eye will finally stop twitching uncontrollably. Next week, we’ll
sleep in and then go for a walk around the lake, look for some turtles and fish and maybe even some
ducklings, and well, who knows, but there will be ...no mad dash...(at least until next semester).
Brighid Castacio, College of Staten Island (CUNY), M.S. candidate, 2011, education
Page 161 of 179
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