T H E C O V E N A N T E R
returned to familiar work by becoming the the next Sunday: I was relieved that it was
provost sergeant. not served in the nude.
Later in the evening, I found myself sitting
Going Lightly with a very pretty girl and her parents.
The recruits retained their original units Renata offered to show me Bielefeld the
and ranks, trooper etc, until they had next Saturday afternoon with an invitation
passed the Field Security Course. At mid to have dinner with her family. Meeting
point they were granted a forty-eight hour Renata with her clothes on at the Ratskeller
pass. As a joke on one occasion, someone gave me a feeling of a topsy-turvy world.
booked out a fictitious Gunner Golighly. As With hindsight, although I would not be
expected, G did not see anything unusual able to sell it as a Covenanter excursion,
about Golighty and set in motion the usual I now believe that the naturist experience
Abseight telegram to Records and asked can defuse smut and allow children to feel
some dim witted clerk to send it. The RA relaxed about their bodies.
Record Office asked the ICC to check and Vinegar can mean less.
everybody recognised that that a hoaxer In my desire to learn German, I succeeded
had been at work. in being given permission to live with a
German family (they just charged me my
HQ-1(Br)Corps in Bielefeld. ration allowance.) Their three grown up
This large HQ of senior ranks had a sergeants’ children got me quickly absorbed in their
mess of 120, with staff cars to salute, an circle of friends and soon had a regular
opportunity to know personnel of every Gasthaus. One evening three RASC drivers
corps in the army and to see colonels and came in for a meal. After their plates had
brigadiers along every corridor: the sight of a been placed on the table I heard one of them
private soldier was a rarity. ‘When everybody asked for vinegar. In German W is sounded
is somebody nobody is anybody.’ A short as V so vinegar can sound like weniger,
tram ride placed us within a medium sized meaning less. As I saw the waitress about to
city to satisfy every interest. First recorded remove the full plates, I knew what was in
in 1016, Bielefeld received a charter one year her mind. I walked over and explained the
before the Magna Carta in 1214: became a misunderstanding to the waitress and told
Hansa town and then became Prussian in her the drivers wanted Essig (vinegar) and
1647. Like parts of Ulster, it made its name not weniger. The drivers had a good laugh
growing flax and making linen. and as I walked away, I heard one of them
say: “He’s a decent Jerry.”
A Veil of Vapour
The humour of my RAPC service continued Not awa to bide awa
after I reached Bielefeld. On arrival I told the Among general duty men at l(Br) Corps was
interpreter, Neville Davies of the tot. Corps, Gunner Sharples, a very cheerful lad, who
that I wanted to learn German. Neville, had a lovely teenage girlfriend called Anita.
bilingual and educated in pre-war Germany, He had spoke German well enough without
was well connected in the community. He studying it. I often saw them together and
kindly offered to take me to a club to meet often passed a few words. One evening
the locals. As I set off one evening, the other Sharples told me that he was taking Anita
sergeants, with mischievous grins, told home to meet his parents. A week later the
me that I would enjoy the evening. In the RSM rang to ask me if I knew anything about
dressing room, Neville declared that this Gunner Sharples. I was told immediately to
was a naturist club and we would have to report to the commandant’s office where
proceed naked beyond the door. I found a German policeman. As the story
Hearing my gasp, he said: “They won’t unfolded I learnt that Anita, still at school,
mind and why should you.” We entered a was studying for her Abituron her way to
room of whirling vapour, a damp floor and university. She was in conflict with her
dripping tiles of a Turkish Bath. Mentally I parents over her romance and she knew
was wearing L-plates or for those who have they would not have given their permission
been stationed in Germany the Fahrschule for her to go England with Sharples. A
sign. Neville, still holding his pipe, gradually telephone call to England confirmed all was
introduced me to naked adults of both well. Three weeks passed before Sharples
sexes with their children. I remember the returned very late from leave. Escorted from
handshakes and all the bodily movements. the guardroom, he handed me his marriage
A couple invited Neville and me to lunch certificate to claim his marriage allowance.
0
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