T H E C O V E N A N T E R
to our plates. Of course, bulk cooking is attitude to cookhouse food? On a recent
difficult and if food is cooked too soon and BBC Radio 4 programme about British
left too long its taste becomes a deserter. I Food, a story was told of an American
used to think of other things when I ate, writer who had been entertained to lunch
knowing that most of my meals would land by a peer at his London club. Thinking
in the swill bin. that his meal was some kind of joke, he
Our period of service from Trieste to rang a reporter for an explanation. He had
the Far East (1949-52) I think of as our been served oxtail soup, a tiny burnt lamb
corned beef era. We were fed corned beef chop, cabbage, carrots, boiled potatoes
so often, and in so many so many different and rice pudding. The journalist explained
ways, that we expected it to be the meat to him that he had been eating the same
in most meals. London Roast had corned kind of food that is consumed in British
beef beneath the pastry: shepherd’s pie preparatory and public schools. He went
had corned beef mixed with the potatoes: on to say that the peer was just recreating
fritters had corned beef inside them: his schooldays by the aid of his club and
sausage rolls conceded to a filling of corned meant no offence. Can one be conditioned
beef: haversack rations had corned beef to accept the merit of food being tasteless?
sandwiches: salad had slices of corned beef: “Give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me
soup had shreds of corned beef floating on with food convenient for me”. Proverbs 30:8.
the top. I have not eaten corned beef for Six months before my engagement
almost fifty years. ended I was able to improve the standard
On active service and on training of food in the cookhouse. I had accepted
exercises, the rations for all ranks are the my college place, had no further career
same. Some armies, such as the German, ambitions in the army and, therefore, felt
have the same kitchen in barracks to free to do do something that could have
ensure that good meals were served to all. landed me in trouble.
With hindsight, I can suggest a remedy One late Sunday afternoon 1 (Br) Corps,
that would not have cost anything. If the Bielefeld, I was alone on duty in the
orderly officer and sergeant had eaten cookhouse. It was obvious to me by sight
their meals each day in the cookhouse and and smell that the evening meal was a
senior officers, including the CO, had taken collection of the inedible leftovers of many
the occasional meal with us, it might have days. Complaints came from the tables of
given the right level of supervision. The mainly Corps National Servicemen with
basic food in the officers’ and sergeants’ such remarks as: “Would you eat this
messes was probably the same: the problem sergeant?” An ACC corporal who was in
in the cookhouse was the cooking. We were charge said to me: “they should take it or
so confirmed in our apathy that we no leave it”. I told him to throw the meal in
longer complained. the swill bin and then cook something
I do remember standing looking at a fresh for about fifty men. After protesting
board, which described the meal we were that he had only the next morning’s
about to attempt to eat as ‘Tiffin’. Two breakfast, he relented after I gave him
new Glaswegian riflemen were discussing an order to provide a meal with fresh
what this word meant with no success. I ingredients. The men were pleased but I
told them it was probably a Hindu word for knew that I would have some explaining
lunch brought back by the regiment after to do as well as having to face the wrath of
many years of service in India. I then asked the cook sergeant.
them if they would be going to the band The next morning shortly after 0900
concert that night? One said to the other: hrs telephone call from the RSM, with all
“Wullie, are you no going to the concert tae the tones that I should expect something
night?” “No”, replied the other. “How no” unpleasant, and then ordered me to
was the prompt reply. To my disbelief the report to the Camp Commandant’s office
answer: “Its all f**king music”. “If one plays immediately. Soon I was facing a Lt-Col in
good music, people don’t listen, if one plays the Irish Hussars. He knew me, for he had
bad music, people don’t talk”. Oscar Wilde. interviewed me at length before writing
I am aware by my conversations and one of my references for college. With a
reading that ex-public schoolboys generally wry smile and some irony, he said: “Sgt
complain about the standard of food in Coughlan - you were busy yesterday!” With
their old schools. Did this colour their some passion and concern, I described the
meal on offer and my own experience of
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