At the chalkface Mania AWOL


I trawl through the register – to the usual “here, sirs”, “yes, sirs”, “yo! sirs”, “might bes” and one “it weren’t me, innit!” “Dave?” I say. that’s Dave


Mania. Nothing.absent.awOl. Good! Excellent. there’s nothing I relish more about Dave these days than his absence. It perks me up of a dark morning. “Bet you’re pleased, sir!”


observes Dervish. I reveal nothing. Dave has a PHD – with honours – inwinding Me Up.a connoisseur of pain, a promoter of migraine, a lord of misrule, Dave can annihilate a whole lesson at a stroke – mine soon, I shouldn’t wonder. He comes to school only to do this. He needs me to do it. I’m the catalyst for his tedious pantomime. It should never be personal, but it is. I get fished in and then he baits me with things like “You ‘ate me, sir!” “You always pickin’ on me!” “You should be more strict


with me!” Each phrase a matador’s


piercing dart. Have you got one of these


pupils? Dear me. the clot never stops with his bat chirrup of imprecation, gibberish and “know what ‘m saying” – until I wish to defenestrate the blighter from our top floor. this is, apparently, unprofessional. Meanwhile, class boredom blossoms, distraction sets in, borderline C grades slip


into doomed Ds – and whole educations can go for a Burton. I know he’s had a tough life


and is much damaged and that I must reach out to his tortured soul – but I can’t be arsed. He needs the more tender attentions of Ms limpet, the Freudian, but she’s just had a nervous breakdown. Dave drove her crackers. I know that my job is to teach all God’s children and that nothing must ever be personal, all must be professional. I must preserve a Zen distance and be fair to all children, to the whole class. Dave prevents this. there are always others who need


some special attention – like Sally, who keeps weeping and is still much too thin. like Sabrina, who’s stopped doing homework since she hung out with that gang. luke too – a delicate rich kid, who sits shell shocked not reading


in the library. today I can now give them all some attention.we can get to grips with allegory in Animal Farm.we could well have a good lesson. It is, I’m afraid, sometimes much easier to teach all god’s children minus one. Minus one of lucifer’s. David Mania. I zip through the rest of the register and look up with my usual chill gravitas. “You are though aren’t you,


sir?” drones the puckish Dervish again. Not half – I could punch the air.


• Ian Whitwham is a former secondary school teacher.


News Jamie Oliver’s class of 2011 by Emma Lee-Potter


after his controversial mission to improve school dinners, Jamie Oliver has now turned his attention to what children learn in the classroom. In his new seven-part Channel


4 series, Jamie’s Dream School, he recruits some of Britain’s best known names to teach 20 teenag- ers who have left school with few qualifications. the television chef struggled


academically at school and left at 16 with just two GCSEs to his name, but convinced that educa- tion can change lives, he wants to persuade the youngsters to give education a second chance. with this in mind, he organises a


two-month intensive reintroduction to learning for the students, who are all aged 16 to 18. the science teacher is fertility


expert lord winston, while histo- ry is taught by Dr David Starkey, politics by spin doctor alastair Campbell, drama by Simon Callow, music by Jazzie B, art by rolf Harris, and maths by economist alvin Hall. Other experts helping out


include barrister Cherie Booth, sail- or Ellen Macarthur, rapper tinchy Stryder and former poet laureate Sir andrew Motion.a full list of those taking part is printed, right. as well as asking why some


young people are not engaged by education, the series also aims to find out if the celebrities can use their own real-life exper- tise to inspire their new pupils.


Class act: (from left to right, top row down) Jamal Robertson, Jourdelle Bennett, Michael Alan Slee, Harlem Brade, Ronnie Crossland, JennyWright; Charlotte Harman, Emmy Brown, Angelique Knight, Conor Power, Chloe Jones, Danielle Harold, CarlWest; Lord Robert Winston, Sir Andrew Motion, Nana Kwame Bamfo, Jake Lees, Henry Gatehouse, Aysha Begum, Ricki Bourne, John D’Abbro, Daley Thompson; Tinchy Stryder, Cherie Blair, Dr David Starkey, Jamie Oliver, Alastair Campbell, Simon Callow, DominicWest


Interestingly, some of them find teaching an awful lot harder than they had expected. Mr Oliver said: “I have to say


that I’ve never admired teachers more than I do now. Until you’ve tried it, you can’t possibly know what it’s like standing in front of a group of young people who aren’t interested in what you’re saying. I


think all the Dream School teach- ers came away with this huge respect for teachers. “I thought they were all really


smart kids. a lot of them had trou- ble paying attention, but once you got them inspired in whatever sub- ject grabbed them, their qualities really shone through.” Jamie’s Dream School starts


on wednesday (March 2) on Channel 4. Mr Oliver is also launching


a search to find Britain’s most inspirational teachers. For more information on this


and to see full-length Youtube videos of the teachers’ les- sons from the programme, visit www.youtube.com/dreamschool


Organised by


Diplomas Delivering Chairperson: Gill Morris, Diploma Employer Champion The UK’s only magazine dedicated to the 14-19 Diploma


10.00 – 10.40 The Diploma: The evolution of a qualifi cation for today’s


The 7th National Conference on


Delivering


Diplomas: Maintaining Delivery & Cost-Effective Partnerships


Lakeside Conference Centre Aston University, Birmingham


Monday 28th March 2011


learners Adele Wills, Principal, King George V College, Southport Kerry Lowe, Diploma Co-ordinator, King George V College, Southport This keynote presentation will focus on the way the Diploma has developed from the introduction of the fi rst tranche of courses in 2008 to a current group of learners. Adele led a consortium in Solihull to success in Gateway 1 and has been closely involved in Diploma delivery from September 2008. The presentation will focus on the challenges of delivery and include a case study of current Diploma delivery at King George V. It will explore why the Diploma remains a valuable, sustainable and attractive option for many of today’s applied learners.


10.40 – 11.10


Diplomas: Lessons from Ofsted Clive Moss, HMI, Ofsted Since the Diplomas were launched in 2008, Ofsted has carried out a number of visits to consortia to analyse the stengths and weaknesses of early Diploma delivery. Her Majesty’s Inspector Clive Moss will discuss their fi ndings, what works with Diploma delivery – especially when building delivery partnerships – and where and how improvements can be made.


11.40 – 12.05 Maintaining cost-effective partnerships


Ren Kapur, Director, Special Projects and Business Development, Silent Edge Ltd & Diploma Employer Champion


An employer who ardently supports the Diplomas, Ren will speak from experience about how effective business partnerships can be maintained cost-effectively. Ren will speak alongside a Diploma deliverer who will offer their advice from a practitioner’s point of view.


12.05 – 12.30


Partnerships in Action Speaker TBC


PUTTING EDUCATION FIRST 16


Continuing the theme of practical, case study-led presentations, this session will feature a Diploma consortium that is forging ahead with its offer. This address will look at the key solutions to successful delivery and partnership working in 2011.


The afternoon will feature six interactive and engaging workshops involving leading experts and practitioners. Workshops A to C will run in the fi rst hour, followed by workshops D to F in the second. Delegates are free to move between workshops, although you should state a preferred workshop for each session when booking.


13.30 – 14.30 WORKSHOPS A to C


WORKSHOP A: Partnerships in Action – Case Study 1 This workshop will feature experts from consortia who have been delivering from


September 2008 and who are maintaining their Diploma offer. They will discuss how they are achieving this cost-effectively and host informal discussions to help delegates fi nd the solutions to be able to continue to maintain their Diploma delivery and partnerships.


WORKSHOP B: Assessment and Examination Hosted by Paula Goddard, a Chief Examiner and Fellow of The Chartered Institute of


Educational Assessors, alongside a practising Diploma examiner and experts from awarding bodies, this workshop represents an informal discussion opportunity for delegates to ask questions and raise issues surrounding the assessment area of Diploma delivery.


WORKSHOP C: Information, Advice and Guidance IAG is still a key aspect of the Diploma and has become even more crucial in the current


climate. This session will consider what approaches to IAG are the most effective, offer advice to schools and look at solutions that have been proven to be effective.


15.00 – 16.00 WORKSHOPS D to F


WORKSHOP D: Partnerships in Action – Case Study 2 Following on from Workshop A, this session will feature another group of Diploma


consortia who will also discuss the work they are doing to maintain their Diploma offer and key solutions to maintaining partnerships and delivery in 2011. They will answer delegates’ questions and lead debate about the best approaches to delivery.


WORKSHOP E: Making Sense of Functional Skills Functional Skills are here to stay as part of the Diploma and wider qualifi cations.


This event will feature expert advice looking at how to deliver the Functional Skills qualifi cations. This advice will be relevant to the Diploma, but also to wider qualifi cations of which Functional Skills form a part.


WORKSHOP F: Ask the Awarding Bodies A mainstay of our Diploma conferences, this workshop will feature experts from


the main Diploma awarding bodies who will be able to answer any questions from delegates about their Diploma qualifi cations and delivery.


To download a full brochure or to book online please visit www. deliveringdiplomas.com


SecEd • February 24 2011


BOOK NOW


020 7501 6762


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