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A DAD’S POINT OF VIEW M


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A first time dad sees the best things about Filipino families BY JULIUS ESQUIVIAS


Y transformation from bachelor, to husband, to novice father all took place within nine short months. Having only tied the knot in November, I had been ecstatic at the news that we were having a third member of our family, so soon in our relationship.


And while my wife and I relished the joy of finally holding our baby boy in our arms, the intricacies of fatherhood had quickly dawned on me. I was going to play a central role in shaping the future of a child. Thinking about this responsi- bility has given me pause, more than a few times. As parents all over the world will attest, raising a child, no matter how exciting and enjoyable, is never easy. It changes your outlook on life and entails a lot of personal sacri- fices. It requires not just a token allotment of time for his basic


needs, but a conscious


prioritizing of his concerns above all else. It demands a lifestyle change for the newer parents and a constant affirmation of such changes for all the rest.


First time parents often enter the world of parenthood blindly. A sudden reorganization of their priorities disrupts their status quo and a chaotic scramble to meet their babies’ needs usually take place. But as these challenges are virtually constant everywhere, raising a child in the Philippines does have a unique advantage. When it comes to caring for children, Filipinos have a


strong affinity for another form of bayanihan. In other words, unlike in many western and even eastern nations, child-rearing is mostly a familial undertaking; with “family” being loosely used to include one’s great-grandparents, aunts, uncles, first or second cousins and even next door neighbors.


Concrete examples abound. We see grandparents from both sides of the family vie for weekend visitation rights. It’s also not uncommon for titas and titos to absent themselves from work just so they can spend time with their favorite pamangkins. Female cousins will drop by and share their tips on how to breastfeed while the guys will give their opinions on how to best burp babies. The neighborhood manang will counsel using bigkis to quickly dry navel stumps, while the family nurse will warn against the same. The longtime yaya will swear that one month of breastfeeding will more than suffice, while the ninang doctor will counsel for a much longer period. Bathing the little ones become spectator events and even the daily 7 a.m. morning-


sunbathing becomes a lottery winning prize.


This early in our relationship my newborn has established quite clearly who the boss is, around the house. He never misses a chance to remind me that he needs, sorry, commands (!) constant care and attention. As fragile as he is, he is prone to crying at the slightest irritation or diaper-call. He sleeps early in the evening, when everyone tries to play with him, and wakes up in the wee hours of the morning, when we’re trying to rest. He poo- poos six times a day, and chooses to relieve his bladder only After I finish wrapping his butt with a new set of diapers. Having already been spoiled by both his dancing-to-sleep lolas, he times his loudest cries after I’ve placed him down on his newborn napper. He refuses to follow the two to three hour feeding schedule, but instead alternates between 30-minute breaks and four- hour power naps. Even as it just seems that he tries his hardest to tire his parents out, my handsome little man will always fall short of his goal. With the continuous support that my wife and I have


September 19, 2010


magazine the filipino champion The Sunday Times


■ With his newborn baby Jaden. “Our families have been a great source of support for us,” Julins Esquivias says.


been getting from our parents, siblings, cousins and friends, it is comforting to know that we are going through our daily routine, armed with generations-worth of experience passed down to us. And while it’s merely been 27 days since my son has been born; frankly speaking, it has also been the best 27 days of my life.


Julius Thomas Angeles Esquivias


married his bestfriend Stella Angela Pastores Esquivias on November 28, 2009 and has since convinced her to join the Esquivias and Arbues Law Firm, of which he is the managing partner. He maintains a personal blog and can be contacted through the website www.misterteapot.wordpress.com.


Dancing all about the heart, one’s passion for the art BY COLLEEN BEA PEREZ


THE life of a ballet dancer is not easy. It is not the fairytale, effortless world that cartoons tend to portray. What people fail to see is that these dancers train every single day, they endure all the pain of bleeding toes, muscle strains and even injuries, they limit their variety of food and some even starve themselves just to get the right body. They also sacrifice a lot of their


time: instead of going out with peers, they would be in the studio, rehearsing their dance routine. Being a ballet dancer has always required a certain kind of perfec- tion—in body, attitude, and technique. For a long time, I’ve always thought that there was no room for me in the ballet world; I disappointed because of the way my body is proportioned or how I lacked certain techniques. I was so preoccupied comparing myself with other people that I failed to see the beauty of dance that overpowers one’s imperfection.


More than the technique and


physique, dancing is all about the heart. It is about one’s passion for the art. Despite all the pain and hardship, it is the passion that keeps a dancer going. People seldom see that; they do not see that inside the four corners of the ballet studio, magic happens. Whenever a dancer dances, a certain kind of joy stirs up in her heart, a joy that takes one to another world where one forgets her problems and, instead, pour her heart out and express herself. Dance is a real freedom of expression. Dance also instills a certain kind discipline in oneself. Because of the values of perseverance and hard work, dancers are able to carry it over to every other aspect of their lives. Wherever they go, whatever they do, they always put a high standard to achieve, at par with what they are taught in the ballet studio. This standard of excellence teaches a dancer to soar high, be a head above the rest. It teaches dancers not to settle for mediocrity or for anything less than excellent.


them that dance is beautiful because the One who made it is beautiful. It is an avenue of touching people’s live and bringing them to God. Dance is a wonderful privilege


■ Dancing is discipline, fun and sisterhood all in one. Above, the author (second from left) with the Company of Acts in a photo shoot for their recital last year. PHOTO COURTESY OF COLLEEN BEA PEREZ.


It teaches them to endure more, to do more and to give more. Dance is indeed a beautiful thing. Not only does it give one a freedom of expression, it also gives one


discipline in life. But what makes it most beautiful is that it gives everyone a chance to worship the One who created dance. Every step, every movement is a worship unto


our God. It teaches one that all the talents that one has are nothing if it were not for Him. It is also an open door to reach out to the people who are watching. It is a way to show


given to me. It has been a big part of my life and I cannot imagine what my life would be if I did not have this gift. It has shaped my life in many, many ways. People are not perfect. I am not perfect. But the beauty of dance in me lives despite the imperfection. *Colleen Bea Perez is a 17-year- old high school student who has been dancing ballet since the age of nine. In between daily dance classes and keeping her top rank in school, she also serves as Supreme Student Government president, member of the debate team, and a writer for their school’s publication. As Principal Soloist of the Company of Acts Manila, she and her fellow dancers will be performing in the ABAP Dance Cup on October 2 to 3, presenting their winning performances during the 2008 competition.


■ The author (fifth from left) with her high school friends, her support group through life. Life beckoning BY MARIEL CENTENO


THE lifetime ahead of you is being shaped right now. If you’re in high school, good for you if you’re having the time of your life; and sorry if you’re someone who only manages by giving yourself a pep talk every morning about how every day you come to school is one less day you have to come back. While it is true that high school is nothing like college where you get a fresh serving of life in the real world, much of the person you become later on in life has a lot to do with it. The rest of your life is a longtime; and you may not realize it, but it starts right now. If you’re in college, then you probably have established a new you if you didn’t exactly like the old you in high school; or if you did like who you were then, by now you’re probably immersing yourself in the greatness of being the latest version of yourself-cooler, smarter, prettier, and just overall hotter. But you have yet to write your own success story; and you are definitely nowhere near the beginning of your happily ever after because at some point you begin to feel the going go from tough to tougher; and all of a sudden even the latest and better version of yourself seems inadequate as you move along through the next course. After high school, after college, or even after school, someday life is going to happen. Not the one you were born with, but the one you thought you had all figured out from the lessons you learned in school, from the books you’ve read, from the movies you’ve seen, and even from the first-hand experience of the ones who had gone before you. That’s when it’s going to dawn on you that you are finally living life in its purest form-the life you can never ever be prepared for; but that is no reason to try and delay it.


Eventually you’re going to have to live it. You don’t have to have it together all the time; and people have no right to judge you for that because they screw up, too. Life isn’t the same for everybody, but if there’s anything that’s common- place in every life it’s people making mistakes. And while it is okay to make mistakes, that is no excuse to do things wrong deliberately. People are always trying to justify their juvenile acts with the notion that we only live once and we’re never going to be here again, thus we should enjoy it. I completely agree; but don’t you think that if we’re only here once then we should make it mean something? We’re always waiting for our lives to begin, figuring we’ll be someone else someday; but what are we waiting for? All we have is now. And life is beckoning you.


Coach “Whitey” Durham of One Tree Hill said: “The important thing is not to be bitter over life’s disappointments. Learn to let go of the past. And recognize that every day won’t be sunny. But when you find yourself lost in the darkness of despair remember, it’s only in the black of night that you can see the stars. And those stars will lead you back home. So, don’t be afraid to make mistakes. To stumble and fall ‘cause most of the time the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most. Maybe you’ll get everything you wish for. Maybe, you’ll get more than you ever could’ve imagined. Who knows where life will take you. The road is long, and in the end the journey is the destination.”


So make your journey so beautiful that your life does not become just another fleeting image; so beautiful that people will be proud to have been a part of it. Do not be afraid of life because I promise you that at some point you will be able to say that you have the surviving part down. And when that time comes, remember that life is not just surviving. So remember to live.


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