encore
Search and Rescue
While visiting family in Florida, a retired Air Force offi cer
discovers a popular retiree pastime does not follow the same
rules in that state as he is used to elsewhere.
I
recently visited my folks, who re- my untrained eye, was simply
located from Chicago to Cocoa Beach, an impenetrable and tangled
Fla., almost two decades ago. Like mass of greens and browns.
many military retirees, it seems the “retire He emerged several min-
and move to Florida” instinct is deeply utes later beaming like a
encoded in my family’s DNA, likely the kid on Christmas morning,
Darwinian product of eons of evolutionary proudly displaying four new
natural selection fueled by generations of trophies, including the Holy
old ancestors dead under the snow. Grail for all ball-hawkers — a
During my brief stay, I found time for a mint-condition Titleist Pro VI.
round of golf with my dad and two uncles. Likewise, when my dad
Although golf is one of Florida’s four of- topped a shot into the water,
fi cially approved sports (along with bingo, he seemed not the least bit
the lotto, and complaining about snow- disappointed. He was soon
birds), it’s played a little bit differently at water’s edge expertly ma-
down there. nipulating his state-of-the-
I used to think the object of the game art telescoping “ball-gitter”
was to hit accurate shots and complete 18 — constructed of ultra-light
holes in as few strokes as possible. In Flor- but sturdy modern composites and able to
ida, however, one’s actual score appears extend to Cuba — with the deft skill of a
to be as irrelevant as the actual number of colonoscopy surgeon. All that was missing
votes cast for a given candidate in a presi- from his high-tech retriever was a minia-
dential election. Rather, the winner seems ture TV camera at the end. (Note to self:
to be whoever fi nds the most lost golf balls call Nike with a great idea.)
— especially lost balls that used to belong It was then I had an epiphany: In Florida,
to other people. even if an errantly struck golf ball’s exact
As a result, Floridians seem to relish location only can be vaguely guessed at, it
their errant shots, clearly viewing them must be retrieved.
as opportunity rather than crisis. I admittedly still have other Florida
“Darn, that one’s in the woods,” my subtleties to unravel, like the mean-
Uncle Hal pretended to lament after a ing of red traffi c lights in that state. In
particularly egregious duck hook into the the meantime, however, I need to get in
rough, an obvious insincerity given his touch with Nike. MO
smile of anticipation. Within nanoseconds,
he had disappeared into the wilderness to
— Jim Swanson is a retired Air Force brigadier
happily scour every foot of foliage looking
general. He is MOAA’s general counsel. For sub-
for telltale glints of white hidden in what, to mission information, see page 20.
92 MILITARY OFFICER NOVEMBER 2009 ILLUSTRATION: ELWOOD SMITH
NNov_encore.indd 92ov_encore.indd 92 99/30/09 2:30 PM/30/09 2:30 PM
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